Your Funny, Humorous or Incredible Military Stories

[RabidAlien]

*LOL*

[cougar32d]

Ok , here's another one that make me look like a idiot....On a long field exercise many years ago i was not allowed to use the "bathroom" without a buddy, or ground guide the whole time. Why you ask?.....I woke up one morning and it was too cold to move but i climbed out of the turret of my tank to relieve myself, as i was doing so i heard some grumbling, the some yelling..........my plt. sgt. and plt ldr. had been sleeping on the ground next to my tank...........yep thats right i pissed on them, they we're not pleased with me to say the least, but i was a hero to the other E.M's in my platoon........more to follow

[Canberra Man]

Keep clean, use kerosene.
We had a Canberra with engine trouble, the same on both engines. The fault could not reproduced on the ground runs. Rolls Royce were contacted and in due course 'The Boffin' arrived and conducted a ground run after which she ws pushed back into the hangar. The 'boffin' told us in uncertain terms, to "Get the cowlings off, thats not my job". From then on he got up every bodie's nose! Then, my sgt collared me and said he'd been told that No's one and two fuel pumps in the bomb bay had been reported noisy and to see what I thought. I went to the cockpit door and as there were no warning notices, switched on the 24v power and switched No's one and two fuel pumps on, it was then I heard it, a gurgling noise and a shout that sounded like "Yarooh Rotter". So switched off quick! Then this "Apparition" appeared covered in kerosene from head to foot, couldn't have happened to a better man! He snarled at me and said. "I'm telling the Flt Sgt about this and squelched off. I heard this squelching noise again and he confronted me (still dripping) with the remark. " The Flt Sgt wants to see you, you are for it". He then squelched after me as I went to the office and tapped on the door. A stern voice bade me enter and shut the door and the 'boffin' squelched away. I went in and as I shut the door a broad grin split his face and he said. "When gets working on the starboard side, do it again, Ive told the CO and he's still laughing.

Ken

[Messy1]

Sounds like it couldn't happen to a nicer guy!

[RabidAlien]

I hate pricks who are too full of themselves. When I was in the Navy, there was a group of "auditors" who would come down to random subs at the pier, and start rummaging through all the logs and paperwork and manuals and start asking questions of everybody. These guys, known as "Naval Reactors", were an insane nuisance, getting in the way of maintenance and just making a headache for everyone. We had two guys, though, that figured out a way to get back at them. (background info: the Shutdown Reactor Operator was in charge of the Maneuvering area, and no matter his rank he actually had the authority to tell people to leave) One guy, while sitting on watch one afternoon, heard that NR was on the boat. Sure enough, the guy appeared at the chain across the doorway into Maneuvering, and "request permission to enter" was mumbled while he was unlatching the chain...only to hear the SRO tell him "denied". He sputtered and fumed and turned really really red...but the officer on duty backed up the SRO, told the NR guy that he was a distraction from the SRO's watchstation. He stormed off the boat as pissed as hell!

Another guy, after allowing the guy to enter, sat for about two minutes with this NR guy leafing through his logs and asking pointless questions about entries that "weren't clearly legible". So the SRO quietly let a tiny fart slip. This particular guy, though, was known for having some of the rankest SBD's known to mankind (I tied with him on occasion). The NR guy started coughing, then nearly knocked the SRO out of his chair trying to get to the doorway. Didn't hear much from him the rest of that duty day.

[Messy1]

When my dad would get approached by ensigns who thought they were better than you, or gave my dad an attitude, he said he quite often would "innocently" give them the wrong directions on how to get around ship, often sending them the to the wrong end of the ship.
Even though the Ranger is a small carrier by today's standards, there was still plenty of ship to get lost in!