Your Funny, Humorous or Incredible Military Stories

[wheelsup_cavu]

The stories in this thread are hilarious.
I started on page 1 and have made it to page 9.
Sorry I can't add any to it but I had to say something after laughing so hard at so many of them.

Wheelsup

[Bill G.]

Originally Posted by wheelsup_cavu

The stories in this thread are hilarious.
I started on page 1 and have made it to page 9.
Sorry I can't add any to it but I had to say something after laughing so hard at so many of them.

Wheelsup

Wheelsup, I am glad you are enjoying the stories. Some darned funny things happen when you are in uniform!

The warning is because we are absolutely NOT responsible for any damages cause by your laughing. This includes drinking something just before the punch line and spraying your computer monitor or laptop. Also included is falling out of your chair laughing! Splitting your gut laughing is at your own risk. This is to include any strained or pulled muscles.

These are the risk you assume when reading this thread. So do so completely at your own risk!

Bill G.

[wheelsup_cavu]

Thanks for the warning Bill.
I may have to go out and get a 5 point harness for my office chair to keep from falling out of it.

I have found that some of the craziest and funniest stories I have been told were by someone telling me a story about their time in the service.
Even when they are telling you about what could have been the deadliest of all situations they somehow put a funny spin on it.

As Ahrnold said, "I'll be back." to read more of them that is.

Wheeslup

[Ross.Mcarthur]

Reminds me of Woodbourne, Dave.
I was Catering Flight and this was during AOC's (Air Officer Commanding) parade in Easter. As I wasn't there on that particular date I'm only reporting as 2nd-hand.
Now, cooks are noted for their "creative" approach to alcoholic beverage production. Some involve 44-gal plastic bins.

AOC's inspection party duly arrive. Top brass and entourage, OC Cat, W/O Cat, Base W/O, various SNCOs. Junior ranks' mess is spanking clean and shiny. Inspection's the normal formality and they go through to the storage and prep areas and start to head out.
"Good job, Flt Lt, blah-blah-blah, keep it up."
As they depart through the main doors the ceiling in one of the back areas creaks, gives a loud crack and a plastic, 44-gal bin of fermenting carrot water, oranges, raisins, etc. crashed through and explodes.
NCO i/c rushes back to see what made all this noise, and in time to catch the last of the inundation escaping down drains.

"Right, who's responsible for that?"
A few mumbled replies.
" Well, clean it up PDQ, CO's back in 30 mins. And you'd better move the rest SOMEWHERE ELSE, then. Be careful with mine."

I did, however, spend many a quiet weekend practising wine-making in the big mess. One upside of a big kitchen is so many hidey-holes to store 5-gal or ten-gal pails.
Made some lovely wines in the process.

[beaupower32]

I remember back in basic it was our last week there. We were at chow enjoying the first time to sit and relax without a instructor yelling at us. All of a sudden at the Snake Pit (where the Instructors sat in front of all of us) this one guy starts yelling at a girl who had got at basic the night before. Well apperntly she didnt do a facing movement. So one TI (I think he was ready for his football games to come on) threw a napkin as a penilty flag. He made her back up about 5 feet and try it again. Well, she failed and got another penilty flag. She ended racking 5 flags (napkins) up and finally got it right while she was standing in the kitchen. We were trying not to laugh but we couldnt hold it any more.The TI's were laughing so hard one had to get up and leave.


Another story is my base at the time was sending some F-16's down to Sheppard to become trainers for the tech school students. Well, we had a good engine in the plane, and in our shop we had one that had no more time left on it. Well, we arrived a day before the F-16 got there and got settled down on where we were going to do the Engine Change. Well, the next day Me and the 2 crew chiefs arrived and what do we find. The Tech School kids had already started removing the engine and had it half way out. Well, we decided to let the kids do the rest of the work and we went to the strip club and had a grand old time. Dont know if it was really funny or not, but at the time it was to us. We endend up staying 5 days down there and only did about a hours worth of work.



One more and I will quit. This happened just last year. I was doing a Max power run on a C-17 for some thrust reverser problems. Well, I had just got the Number 1 and 4 engines to MAX power when the wind changed directions and started comming up the exhaust. In doing that it caused the #4 engine to have a compressor stall and shot a fireball out the front. Well I had a girl sitting behind me in the observer seat, and when the compressor stall happened, she about made a new door in the side of the plane. So I brought the engines back to idle, and then I had to get her back to idle, as she thought the whole world was comming to a end. It was so funny, she started crying.

[Canberra Man]

Hi.
Ive told a few tales, but not that I was a glutton for punishment!..When I left school in 1944, I was fourteen and there were't many jobs to be had. I had a job as a Naval messenger on the Grimsby naval base HMS Beaver, very interesting. Bell bottoms, a flat hat and a funny salute! One day I was outside the fleet mail office watching a frigate coming through the lock into the Humber estuary, there was a lot of signalling going on between the frigate and the captains bridge and I aske a petty officer what was being said. He told me there was an air raid last night and Kittywake asked the bridge if Jerry had laid any mines last night and the bridge answered, we will soon know, your first out this morning!!
My next job was french polishing and piano repairs. Then came National Service, I was in the Royal Artillery as a signaller. Typically, I finished my signals training and was posted to an ack ack regiment, they don't use signallers!! I ended up as a battery clerk. Now, here is the glutton for punishment bit. Three months after demob, I signed on in the Royal Air Force and trained as electrical fitter. Ended up working on Avro Lincolns with 617 Squadron (The Dam Busters) and then on Canberra's, which we took to Malaya for six months. The gluttony carries on. I served for 30 years with air cadets, they were so pleased, they gave me a medal and a commendation. Now at 79, I'm still on the go, work saurdays at the local aviation museum and help my wife breeding miniature poodles, we have lovely litter of five growing at tyhe moment, five days old, on sale in nine weeks. One is already spoken for.

Ken

[Ferdinand Foch]

Hey, here's another old cop story from Vassili and I's grandpa.

During the early 70's, when my grandpa got his own squad car, there was another cop in his unit who had the midnight shift, checking for speeders, patrolling the neighborhood and stuff like that. Only this cop wanted to sleep through the night, but knew that he's odometer would be checked after his shift, to see how many miles he had patrolled. So, one night, him and one of his friends took his squad car into a garage, hoist the back end up on a jack, turn the engine on, put a pipe on the gas pedal, and left the car on full gas while the cop went to take a nap ( it's kinda what happened in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off", only they went forward instead of reverse).
Unfortunately, the motion of the engine knocked the car off the jack, and the car ended up speeding through and breaking through the garage door, damaging the car in the process. The cop in question got suspended for a period of time after his superiors found out what happened.

[vikingBerserker]

[RabidAlien]

Heh. Guess they forgot the wheel chocks, eh?

[Ferdinand Foch]

hehe, I think so. don't remember my grandpa saying that he was the smartest cop out of the force, so this would explain why.

[PJay]

Not my story, this is from a Brit Test Pilots autobiog.
He was in Australia, flying a Mirage at well over Mach 1 and had to eject. Many injuries which he made a full recovery from.
The RAAF supplied him with a wheelchair 'customised' to look like an ejector seat.
This included a 'piss tube' which was way too short for him to use.
He made the mistake of complaining about this and got the answer
'When producing the chair we had no knowledge of your personal dimensions and based the design around the needs of the average Australian fighter pilot'

[Ferdinand Foch]

Originally Posted by PJay

Not my story, this is from a Brit Test Pilots autobiog.
He was in Australia, flying a Mirage at well over Mach 1 and had to eject. Many injuries which he made a full recovery from.
The RAAF supplied him with a wheelchair 'customised' to look like an ejector seat.
This included a 'piss tube' which was way too short for him to use.
He made the mistake of complaining about this and got the answer
'When producing the chair we had no knowledge of your personal dimensions and based the design around the needs of the average Australian fighter pilot'

Hope nobody told his girlfriend!

[Wildcat]

nice one PJay.

[vikingBerserker]

Nice!

[RabidAlien]