Your Funny, Humorous or Incredible Military Stories

[Matt308]

Where are you Charles, you crusty ole bastard, you made me start this thread!

[evangilder]

Whether true or not, I heard this during the cold war. An F-4 scrambled to intercept a Russian Bear bomber. As the two flew closely together, one of the Bear crewman flashed up a Russian pinup girl, described as chubby and pasty. The Russian says over the radio "This is most beautiful woman in Soviet Union". The back seater in the F-4 pulls out a Playboy, flashes up the centerfold and replies "This is the ugliest woman in America, perhaps you defect, comrade".

Like I said, I can't verify it's authenticity, but I laughed my azz off when I heard it.

[A4K]

Great stuff guys!

[wilbur1]

Thats a great one eric i freakin laughed so hard im now wiping down my screen

[ccheese]

Originally Posted by Matt308

Where are you Charles, you crusty ole bastard, you made me start this thread!

I hear you Matt…. Unfortunately, all of us with stories to tell, also remember the
ones that are not funny, some are deadly serious.

I was attached to the 1950th AACS (Airways & Aircraft Communications System)
at Whellus AFB, in Tripoli, Libya 1954-1955 when I had exchange duty with the
USAF. Unfortunately I don’t remember the date, but I think it was in February
of 1955. I manage to get seven days leave, and decided to spend it in Italy, just
a few hours flying time away. Hops were always going that way, so I managed
to get a hop on a C-47 cargo plane going to NAF Sigonnela, Sicily.

This C-47 did not have seating like a passenger plane, there were rack type seats
down each side of the plane, with cargo stashed in the center “aisle”. I was
sitting just aft of the double cargo doors on the starboard side, right next
to a Marine LCpl named Danny Mannus, from Tuscaloosa, Alabama. He was
returning to Italy from a holiday of scuba diving in the waters around Tripoli.

When we got to the airspace around NAF Sigonella, there was a problem on the
ground, so we were told to orbit in a designated area near the field. Clouds were
low and visibility limited.

First sign of trouble I realized the pilot had firewalled the throttles and had the
yoke in his belly. We still hit the mountain just outside of Sigonella. The fuselage
broke in half at the cargo doors and me the the Marine were ejected, even tho
we had seat belts on, in preparation for landing. There were fourteen people on
the plane, including the crew. Ten were killed in the crash. The marine didn’t
get a scratch….. I broke both ankles. .

When the rescue people got up there LCpl Mannus had everyone out of the
airplane, the dead on one side of the plane laying in the snow, the living
altho injured on the other side. He had pulled everyone out of the wreckage,
and did what he could for the living. He had packed my ankles in snow to
keep the swelling down and to ease the pain

In my mind the “crash” was not that violent. I think we were in a climb, and
kinda pancaked on the hillside. There was very little fire, but the cargo
broke loose and went toward the left side of the plane were all the killed were sitting.

I had the extreme pleasure of watching Vice Admiral Christman pin the Navy
and Marine Corps Medal on LCpl Danny Mannus for his lifesaving efforts.

It’s been over fifty years ago, but I will never forget a young Marine……
Danny Mannus of Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

Charles

[pbfoot]

Originally Posted by evangilder

Whether true or not, I heard this during the cold war. An F-4 scrambled to intercept a Russian Bear bomber. As the two flew closely together, one of the Bear crewman flashed up a Russian pinup girl, described as chubby and pasty. The Russian says over the radio "This is most beautiful woman in Soviet Union". The back seater in the F-4 pulls out a Playboy, flashes up the centerfold and replies "This is the ugliest woman in America, perhaps you defect, comrade".

Like I said, I can't verify it's authenticity, but I laughed my azz off when I heard it.

What i heard when working in the Norad enviroment was that the Russian held up next months playboy it hadn't yet made the newstands

[Matt308]

Originally Posted by ccheese

I hear you Matt…. Unfortunately, all of us with stories to tell, also remember the
ones that are not funny, some are deadly serious.

Charles

Sorrowful story, CC, and certainly one for the annals of history.

But wrong thread. I was hoping we could compartmentalize the anguish and tragedy of the warfighter, and for a fleeting moment, capture the irony one finds in those trained to kill encountering humour in their endeavors. If you can find the time to relate some of yours, I would appreciate reading them. I had no intention of resurrecting painful memories. Sorry.

[comiso90]

Wow Charles, thanks for that story...
Scary stuff! Very moving.

Was that Mt Etna?

I'm glad u made it.

.

[evangilder]

Indeed a powerful story. And to Danny Mannus Thanks for taking care of Charles, and the rest.

[lesofprimus]

Here here... Charles, u are indeed one lucky bastard....

[ccheese]

Originally Posted by Matt308

Sorrowful story, CC, and certainly one for the annals of history.

But wrong thread. I was hoping we could compartmentalize the anguish and tragedy of the warfighter, and for a fleeting moment, capture the irony one finds in those trained to kill encountering humour in their endeavors. If you can find the time to relate some of yours, I would appreciate reading them. I had no intention of resurrecting painful memories. Sorry.

Matt: Was not aware there was another thread for the events that get put
in the back of our minds, but can be recalled in an instant. I did not know
any of the men on the plane, I seem to recall several USAF enlisted
personnel and a USAF Capt. but they were just faces, no names. I'm a
sentimental old guy anyway, and the joy of seeing Danny get that medal
made it all somehow better. I don't know who recommended him for the
medal, but I was interviewed three different times in less than a week,
while I was in the hospital, concerning his lifesaving act. I hope what I
told them had some bearing on the final outcome. This is not a painful
memory, per se, but it is something I'll never forget. I young man in the
right place, at the right time...... who had the where-with-all to do the
right thing. That's what's important.....

Charles

[timshatz]

Originally Posted by lesofprimus

Here here... Charles, u are indeed one lucky bastard....

No ****. Better to be lucky than good.

[timshatz]

On a differnent note, I do remember a girl who was getting her pilot's lisence the same time I was who managed to get lost while flying in the traffic pattern. Keep in mind, the pattern is always supposed (SUPPOSED) to be on your left side (most of the time) as you do your bumps and runs.

She got lost in a pattern west of Philadelphia and by the time they found her she was just about to Baltimore.

[pbfoot]

Our boss in the tower had a ritual that every morning upon arrival he'd piss over the tower railing one morning the comm techs rigged up a galvanized metal sheet on the ground hooked up to a power source , when he peed the current climbed up that briny source shocking the boss after the scream he came in all wet with promises to get even

[timshatz]

Two more. One I remember, the other I heard hanger flying.

First one is about a guy who was in Pilot training the same time I was. He was the airfield's official *******. Everybody hated him. Nothing nice to say about anyone, always complaining, just a royal pain in the ass. Unbeknownst to me, the instructors got together and decided to get rid of this guy.

One day, Mr. Pinhead shows up for his flying lesson. He and the instructor get into the 152 and away they go. 'Bout half an hour later, they come back, guy pays his bill, gets in his car and leaves. Find out later the instructor took him up to about 3500 ft, stalled the bird, kicked in full rudder and while in the middle of the spin turned to the guy and said, "I'm scared as hell and I don't know what I'm doing!".

Never saw him again.


The other story was during WW2 in Northern California. Back then, the Navy had Blimps that used to fly out of a base up there for Anti-Submarine work. Pretty boring stuff, just flying around over the ocean. Well, Northern California had a lot of groves of Fruit Trees as well. All of them were harvested by women as all the guys were off fighting in the war. One day, one of these blimp drivers on his way back from patrol starts buzzing around an orchard at low level and low speed, talking to the women on the ground and generally making a nuscence of himself. You can do that in a blimp.

Well the blimp has guide lines hanging down from it that people grab when it is trying to land. One of the more enterprising girls goes over to one of the guide lines (now dragging on the ground in the orchard as they were that low) and ties it off to one of the fruit tree. Now they have their own captive balloon over the orchard. The pilot firewalls asks them to let him go, they- having a good time with this- say no. He firewalls the engines to get away but no luck. Stuck, tied to the trees. Girls are laughing, pilot is bummed, engines at full power when a gust of wind comes along and gives the blimp that extra "umph" and that does it. The fruit tree comes out of the ground and away the blimp goes with a fruit tree tied to one of the guide ropes.

After that it ended predictable. Coming home with a tree attached to the guide ropes is not a good thing. Minor investigation which was forgotten and a stern notice not to go buzzing around at low level on your way too and from your patrol area.

Still, would've loved to have seen the blimp come in with a fruit tree attached. That must've been classic.