Your Funny, Humorous or Incredible Military Stories

A4K · 03-19-2008, 09:18 AM

Heard from one of my airforce mates about how they brought a real arrogant guy in the neighbouring dorm down a peg or two...
This guy was so full of himself, I think just about every one hated his guts. The guys in his dorm put up with him for about a month before deciding enough was enough. They took him drinking (which was bloody risky, they'd have been in the s*** if the corporal's found out) and got him absolutely hammered. Soon after they brought him back to barracks he was out like a light. They stripped him, poured shaving foam around his ass and in the bed, and gave him a good hard kick up the ass....Comes next morning, and the poor guy wakes up with a mother of a hangover, an uncomfortable wet feeling between his legs, and a very sore ass...

It worked, and he turned out to be an alright guy once he lost the ego...!

ccheese · 03-19-2008, 09:22 AM

Heard this one while I was at Balboa Naval Hospital, in 1967.

Seems a pilot had a beef with the railroad, I think the Sante Fe was
mentioned. One evening while flying around in the boonies, he spies
a passenger train hi-balling along. Pilot decides this is the time to get
even. Flies a few miles in front of the train, comes down to about
10-15 feet off the ground, flies down the track towards the train,
drops his landing gear and turns on the landing light. This aircraft only
had one, attached to the nose gear. When he zoomed over the train all he
saw was sparks coming from the wheels of the train. The engineer thinking
a train was coming at him locked the brakes, thereby damaging the wheels.

Charles

wilbur1 · 03-19-2008, 09:26 AM

he he shaving cream

lesofprimus · 03-19-2008, 03:54 PM

Naples Italy, 1991... Wonderful sh!thole....

There are many whores/prostitutes/hookers around the streets at night, especially around the Castle....

Some are trannies.....

After a solid night of wallowing in alchohol, strolling/staggering along back towards the ship, immediatly after having a HUGE brawl with some bouncers at this rip-off tittie bar, my buddy Prinky spots this trannie on the corner and says:

"10 bucks if I get the trannie to let me suck on his nipple..."

We were all laughin our asses off, thinkin he was kidding around.... Well, with my video camera rolling tape, he walked on over and started talking him/her/heshe up some...

Next thing u know, the trannie pulls down his top alittle bit, he starts squeezing the dudes nipple with his fingers.... Im dying at this stage, freakin dumbfounded by his show of insanity....

The Heshe was kinda skeptical about the camera on him/her and put the fake tittie away.... Prinky whispers some more sweet nothings and sure enough, 3 seconds later, he's got this dudes nipple in his mouth, suckin away like a baby on a pacifier....

It took my all to keep the camera on him.... He was the talk of SEAL Team 2 for awhile after that one... He never did live it down...

ccheese · 03-19-2008, 04:13 PM

You are correct, Dan.... dear ole Napoli was a hell-hole. Seems everytime
we pulled into Naples, I'd have Shore Patrol..... almost always at the E.M.
Club. A fight would start and we'd decide this was the time to take 'a
break'. When there were only a couple left standing, we'd wade in with night
sticks.... being careful to strike a glancing blow.... then cart the bad asses off to the pokey.

Charles

DerAdlerIstGelandet · 03-19-2008, 04:52 PM

Allright lets see:

While deployed to Kosovo we were asked by another Company Commander if we could fly him and his soldier on his soldiers reenlistment flight. Ofcourse we agreed to do so since we were allready going to be out doing a training flight in the NOE area.

After we preflighted the aircraft the Commander and his soldier came out to our aircraft and we gave them a passenger brief and the Commander asked us if he could hang the American flag over rear bulkhead so a picture could be taken in flight and if we could do a high hover over the Camp so that it would be in the background as well. We told him no problem.

After the soldier gets in the aircraft his commander than secretly comes over to us and asks us to give his soldier a "real" ride as a reward for reenlisting in the Army. We told him we will see what we can do.

So anyhow we get up to the high hover and the whole reenlistment ceremony is conducted and pictures and congratulations are made. We then turn out to the NOE training area. We are at about 2000ft and as we enter the pilot pulls us down into a dive and we start yanking and banking through the NOE area.

Now mind you we are not doing anything really crazy just a normal NOE flight. Well okay we might have been a bit aggressive because the Commander wanted us to give his soldier a "ride".

Anyhow about 2 minutes into the "ride" I notice a nasty smell. It smelled like sandwiches. I could really smell the white bread, cheese, and mayo. I then asked "Who the hell was eating lunch during a flight like this" because we were yanking and banking.

I then feel a tap on my shoulder from the other crew chief and he points back to the row of seats. I immediatly look at the soldier. I expected to see him puking his guts out. Nope, he was enjoying his flight with a big smile on his face and laughing and screaming to the ride. I then draw my attention to the "tough" commander and he is puking into a black trash bag!

Not just puking but projectile vomiting into the trash bag...

I let the pilots know and we pull up out of area and head back to camp. As soon as we set down on the pad the commander jumps out of his seat and takes off running.

We returned his M-16 to him in his office about an hour later....

He had completely forgotten it in the aircraft!

Tomorrow you will get the story about the Dildo on the nose door....

mkloby · 03-19-2008, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lesofprimus

Naples Italy, 1991... Wonderful sh!thole....

There are many whores/prostitutes/hookers around the streets at night, especially around the Castle....

Some are trannies.....

After a solid night of wallowing in alchohol, strolling/staggering along back towards the ship, immediatly after having a HUGE brawl with some bouncers at this rip-off tittie bar, my buddy Prinky spots this trannie on the corner and says:

"10 bucks if I get the trannie to let me suck on his nipple..."

We were all laughin our asses off, thinkin he was kidding around.... Well, with my video camera rolling tape, he walked on over and started talking him/her/heshe up some...

Next thing u know, the trannie pulls down his top alittle bit, he starts squeezing the dudes nipple with his fingers.... Im dying at this stage, freakin dumbfounded by his show of insanity....

The Heshe was kinda skeptical about the camera on him/her and put the fake tittie away.... Prinky whispers some more sweet nothings and sure enough, 3 seconds later, he's got this dudes nipple in his mouth, suckin away like a baby on a pacifier....

It took my all to keep the camera on him.... He was the talk of SEAL Team 2 for awhile after that one... He never did live it down...

That is just damn hilarious

So what happened to the tape?

ccheese · 03-19-2008, 05:42 PM

Good One, Chris.... it's usually the "hardened commanders" that can't handle
a few maneuvers....

Charles

lesofprimus · 03-19-2008, 05:51 PM

I still have the tape, ol VHS style.... I havent looked at it in a decade, but now that Im reminiscing, I gotta pull it out now, just to see that sh!t eatin grin Prinky had on his face...

Thats a great story Chris... I like the part about the dude sittin there hootin and a hollerin.... I know that feeling...

A4K · 03-20-2008, 04:48 AM

Not quite on the topic, but thought ya's would like this...

Extract from a schoolboy's essay (from RNZAFA News, 1986):

I want to be a pilot when I grow up because it is a fun job and easy to do. That is why there are so many pilots flying today. Pilots don't need much school, they just have to learn numbers so that they can read instruments. I guess they should be able to read road maps so they won't get lost. Pilots should be brave so they won't get scared if it's foggy and they can't see or if a wing or motor falls off they should stay calm so they will know what to do. Pilots have to have good eyes to see through clouds and they can't be afraid of thunder or lightning because they are closer to them than we are. The salary pilots make is another thing I like. They make more than they can spend. This is because most people think plane flying is dangerous except pilots don't because they know how easy it is. There isn't much I don't like except girls. girls like pilots and all stewardesses want to marry pilots so they always have to chase them away so they don't bother them. I hope I don't get air sick because I get car sick, and if I get air sick I couldn't be a pilot and then I would have to go to work.

plan_D · 03-20-2008, 06:50 AM

I've heard a few daft stories from my dads time in the RAF... maybe not all hilarious but you'll hear them anyway. You probably heard 'em before.

First with 11 Sqdn. Lightnings -

The 'ole stories of the Russians with the Playboys has been heard loads of times, the 'ole thumbs up from the RAF pilots while the Ruskies were probably jacking off in the rear seat. Well one time was different, someone had left summat on the Lightning (can't remember exactly what) ... bring bright orange rod. They go up to intercept this Bear ... and the Bear's crew ain't p*ssin' about no more. The cameras come out and they're frantic about this new addition to the old Lightning...the pilot of the Lightning couldn't be more confused 'til he lands and realises the addition... the Ruskies probably thought it was a new aerial or summat.

Another intercept in the middle of the night ... there's a single aircraft travelling extremely slow over the North Sea... so 11 Sqdn. sends a Lightning out to say hello. The Lightning is directed to the area and reports nothing ... there's nothing in sight. Air traffic keeps reporting it there so the Lightning circles around, goes up and then down to look for this "stealth" aircraft ... then all of a sudden there's an almighty smash...the pilot has to change his underpants and heads back home. On his way back, air traffic notice the original signal has gone.
The Lightning makes it home 'n lands safely with almighty scrapes and scratches to the underside of the aircraft. Long story short, in the field below the Lightnings 'crash' was a Cessna 152 with drugs aboard ... and two dead pi*sants ... probably the only Lightning intercept that resulted in an aircraft 'shot' down !

Another Lightning taking off on a routine flight - the lads see it off and all sit back in the crew room ... the last bloke comes in a little while after checking his pockets..."Shi*t! ... !!!" - "What?!?!" - "I've lost my spanner !" ... the aircrafts quickly called back down and lands safely ... the spanner was found planted sideways against the first set of stators. Lucky b*stard !

Dumbass greenie in the control tower makes a big fuss when a Lightning is on fire ! A rigger is recharging a Lightning's AVPIN ... when he's shocked to be surrounded by firemen with their hoses pointing at his face. "What?" ... the daft WAF in the tower had seen this rigger in full face mask 'n suit surrounded by 'smoke' which was infact the mist from the AVPIN ! She calls the fire brigade out ... much to their annoyance.

My dad got a nice "surprise" when driving a few tanks of AVPIN around ... the trailer they were on overtook him 'cos the JT with him didn't hook it up right... the trailer kept to stop in the field and nothing blew up... Which is better than can be said for one of the other lads when AVPIN was allowed to be carried around in the Land Rover ... hot exhaust fumes ignited the stuff and this Land Rover went boom ... the lad driving it was seen running away with sh*t rolling down his leg. I know a lad who used to work for BAe ... who had his infatuation with puttin' AVPIN in peoples zippo lighters... - makes its own oxygen, does not go out when you close the lid!

Malta ! - the RAF used to share their base with the Civvie airport...and the Lightning pilots used to sit there and rate the civvie landings as they taxiied by them. One day ..normal day.. an aircraft lands - horrible landing ... as he taxys by the lads they hold up C R A P ... the pilot rolls his eyes and laughs.
Well , there's the prime minister (president ...whatever) of Malta's son onboard...or someone high ranking. He didn't find it funny... infact he took personal offence and 11 Sqdn. had to apologise.

The RAF also apparently likes to replicate westerns ... as my dads friend jumped from power set to power set toward the tug at the front... six in total as it was buzzing around the airfield.

Njaco · 03-20-2008, 07:32 AM

PB, my brother told me a similar story. He was at Parris Island and he had a tough DI. One day he dragged them all into the latrine and went to a toilet where there was a log floating. He started screaming at them and yelling, "Who left that!" etc. Finally he say "You think you guys are tough" and grabbbed it out of the bowl and took a bite. My brother said about 2 or 3 guys fainted.

Found out later the DI had taken a Snickers bar and mangles it a little and had plopped it in the toilet, then called everyone in.

A4K · 03-20-2008, 08:02 AM

That explains the taste...

Konigstiger205 · 03-20-2008, 08:17 AM

Great stories guys

ccheese · 03-20-2008, 02:15 PM

This one was told to me by the Communications Officer at
NAS Cecil field, back in the late 50’s.

Back when the Blue Angels were still flying prop jobs, they
were going from one city to another to perform. The weather
was bad, with a low cloud cover. They were flying above the
clouds when they heard the pilot of a PBM calling a ground
station, saying he was lost.

The CO of the Blues thought they would have some fun. They
located the PBM a few miles away, got into an echelon formation,
but inverted and flew past the guy without saying anything.

The PBM driver saw them go by and thought he was the one that
was up-side-down. They watch him for quite awhile, trying to
turn that PBM over. It would get up on a wing, it would fall, and the
pilot would recover.

I never heard whether he got in turned over or not…..

Charles