Get Lucky! (1 Viewer)

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Njaco

The Pop-Tart Whisperer
22,255
1,758
Feb 19, 2007
Southern New Jersey
It was a dark and stormy night but thats how it is during the daytime in Scotland when your in an Old Milwauakee haze. My name is Slade, Sam Slade, and I'm a Private Eye. Only line of work since the government cut back at the Mayonaise Lid factory. Now I just tool around Steornabhagh or however you pronounce it ( better than being in Cumnock or those places in Wales - how the hell do you say Blaenau Ffestiniog?) I was relaxing in my office and had decided to put some music on - something to forget her by. I had just placed my favorite album on the turntable when a knock came on the door.
 

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Two knocks, followed by several more. Then they came in. What knockers! It had just started to rain and I was thinking what these girls needed were to take a walk without an umbrella. I immediately forgot about whats-her-name. The two blondes just stood there - it looked like they were trying to remember how to breathe.

I spoke up.

"Can I help you?"

The one with the rack..er...hat spoke,

"Are you Sam Slade?"

"Who wants to know?" I shot back, trying to see the waterfall. I could tell they weren't from around here. Her accent reminded me of the time I spent in that dusty bar in Landskrona and her breath smelled of Kalles caviar.

"We want to get Lucky."

(more to follow!)
 

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The comment about knocked me off my Lazyboy! I tried to do my best Sean Connery impression and looked them as close as I could in the eye.

"What do you mean?"

The shorter one spoke.

"We want you to find our brother. We thinks he is in trouble!"

A case! Just my luck. I asked them what happened to him and they explained the story. They were from Sweden ( I could tell by the blonde hair and the way the cold affected them in those t-shirts) and one day their brother Lucky saw a TV show called "The Tales of Para Handy" and shouted "Thats the place!!" , grabbed a bag of pyttipanna and an ika i rutan DVD and they hadn't seen him since. I wanted background and where did they think he was. They said the UK and that was why they were here, talking to me. I didn't understand the logic but who cares! I asked them for some pics or something and all they had was a polaroid of him and a letter they received that was sent to their brother. It explained why they thought he was here in the UK. From what it told me, it was classic Lucky.
 

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I awoke the next morning in my office with a pounding headache, a taste of mustard in my mouth and a vague memory of battery cables. The girls were gone. Just as well. I wouldn't have lasted much longer if they kept up with the downpayment they gave me. I looked around my office - it was a shambles. Getting off the desk I read over the letter again. Well, that was a place to start, the BBC. Gathering a few things and taking a swig of some green vodka that lay in my chair, I decided that I had to get Lucky if I wanted to be paid in full. And I had to pee.

Thats when I noticed what was taped on the door - a sign the girls had left me. Ripping it off the door, I headed out for the BBC.
 

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I pulled up to the large overstuffed building that was BBC headquarters. It was a typical government building, all flash and no substance. I got out and was heading for the door when I heard some voices behind me yell;
"Hey You!"
"Nee!"
I turned to find seven bullies in green camo, running me down. It was obvious they were security.

"Who are you?" I asked.
The tall one spoke; "We are the Guards Who Say... Nee!"
I smirked; "No! Not the Guards Who Say Nee!"
"The same! We are the keepers of the sacred words: Nee, Pang, and Nee-wom!"
"Nee-wom!" They all spoke in unison.
"The Guards Who Say Nee demand a sacrifice!"
I decided to play the game; "Guards of Nee, I am but a simple traveller who seeks the enchanter who visited beyond these doors."
"Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee!" They all chimed in.
"Oh, ow!" I said. It hurt my ears.
Tall One spoke again; "We shall say 'nee' again to you if you do not appease us."
"Well, what is it you want?"
"We want... a shrubbery!"
Somewhere far off I heard an orchestra play a dramatic chord.
"A what?"
Again they all chimed in; "Nee! Nee!"
I pleaded; "Please, please! No more! I shall find a shrubbery." Jeez, that was annoying!
"You must return here with a shrubbery or else you will never pass through these doors alive!"
It was about time to end this; "O Guards of Nee, you are just and fair, and I will return with a shrubbery." I said.
"One that looks nice."
"Of course."
"And not too expensive."
"Yes."
"Now... go!"

And with that I left the BBC and the 7 Dwarves, thinking what to do next. I had to get Lucky. And I still had to pee.
 

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