 | Aussies.....| OFF-Topic / Misc. Discuss Aussies..... in the Current forums; Sent to me by one Aussie friend.......
Basic Guide To Aussie Life
1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the ... |
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01-12-2006, 07:01 AM
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#1 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 5,815
| Aussies.....
Sent to me by one Aussie friend....... Quote:
Basic Guide To Aussie Life
1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.
4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.
5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.
6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.
8. All our best heroes are losers.
9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.
12. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total *******". By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a *******".
13. Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship". Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names.
14. The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself, but to the mosquitoes.
15. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth fixing.
16. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.
17. It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.
18. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.
19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it).
20. If there's any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go.
21. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not trying.
22. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for.
23. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that can only ever be solved by leaving the food behind
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01-12-2006, 07:57 AM
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#2 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK (atm Pretoria, South Africa)
Posts: 10,712
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__________________  "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
Sir Winston Churchill
"To him the people of the world largely owe the Freedom and liberties they enjoy today"
Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London
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01-12-2006, 08:25 AM
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#3 | | Der Crewchief
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Ansbach, Germany
Posts: 28,129
Country:  |
__________________  US Army Blackhawk Crewchief 2000-2006 Classic ww2aircraft.net quotes: fly boy said: "isn't that the first jet bomber? becasue i have flown one in a flight sim before and i know how it handles" "wait what ok who made the b-2 crash come on people that messed up its a b-2" "ah yes the mistel those things are so annoying is games and in real life" | |
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01-12-2006, 11:05 AM
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#4 | | Master of Ewes
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 19,959
Country: | nice 
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"Reminds me of the time I sank the Tirpitz" comments a Spitfire pilot, "One pass of course, old boy." | |
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01-24-2006, 06:49 PM
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#5 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Londonium
Posts: 610
| suprisingly true 
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Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life. | |
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01-24-2006, 10:51 PM
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#6 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Adelaide
Posts: 2,951
Country:  | Yes very true, especially number 13, Anyone's name I can't remember - I call them mate, Complete srangers - I call mate, People I don't like - I still call mate 
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01-25-2006, 08:02 AM
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#7 | | Your ad here. ;)
Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Moorpark, CA
Posts: 11,877
Country:  | hehe In California, substitute mate for dude and you would fit right in.
__________________  http://www.vg-photo.com Wherever their bones may lie, the courage of heroes is consecrated in the hearts and engraved in the history of the free. Lt Col Honner DSO MC, 39th Commander speaking of the dead from the battle of Kokoda. | |
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01-25-2006, 03:30 PM
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#8 | | He who does not skim
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia
Posts: 8,957
Country:  | In Nova Scotia, substitute it with "sh*t head". | |
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01-25-2006, 04:09 PM
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#9 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: 51st State
Posts: 1,207
Country: |
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01-25-2006, 05:53 PM
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#10 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 12,018
Country: | I would like to point out that we British use the term "mate" also. Complete insincere, but still used ... even the bus driver is your "mate" and getting off the bus should be done with a "Cheers, mate." - To Americans, that might sound like a toast with your girlfriend ... but hey ...
__________________ "When you go home tomorrow, don't expect anyone to know what you have been through. Even if they did know, most people probably wouldn't care anyway. Some of you may get the medals you deserve, many more of you will not. But remember this, all of you are now members of the front-line club, and that is the most exclusive club in the world." - Lt. Col. Matthew Maer CO 1st Battalion, the Princess of Wale's Royal Regiment. Camp Abu Naji, Oct. 2004  To those in that club. | |
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01-25-2006, 05:56 PM
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#11 | | Minister of Whoopass
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Long Island Native in Mississippi
Posts: 12,369
Country: | I usually just say "Later.."
__________________  "This Was a Fight to The Death.... He's Out to Kill Me, and I'm Gonna Get Him..."
-- Capt. Stan "Swede" Vejtasa "Hollywood Finally Got it Right..." - 12/15/07 | |
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01-26-2006, 01:20 PM
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#12 | | Konfused with a 'K'
Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Turin, Italy
Posts: 20,412
Country:  | I never call anyone mate, or anything like that...normally scum will suffice
__________________  with my one last gaping breath id apologise for bleeding on your shirt... | |
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01-26-2006, 05:48 PM
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#13 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Brisbane
Posts: 507
Country: | HEHE! Most of that stuff is true. I dont see much of it though, im a city ponce...
__________________ I like traffic lights,
I like traffic lights,
I like traffic lights,
that is what I said....  | |
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01-27-2006, 12:53 AM
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#14 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Edmonton,Alberta
Posts: 2,260
Country: | Quote: |
10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
| What if the seat belt buckle is soo hot that it brands the shape into your legs?
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Hello me...meet the real me.
And my misfits way of life.
A dark black past is my
Most valued possession.
Hindsight is always 20-20,
But looking back its still a bit fuzzy.
Speak of mutually assured destruction?
Nice story...tell it to readers digest!!! | |
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01-27-2006, 06:57 AM
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#15 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Londonium
Posts: 610
| Yeah seat belt is impossibly hot sometimes, and gear stick, I even had some instruments melt, including, almost ironically a thermometer which read almost 60 degrees before bursting
That'll teach me not to find a shady park on a 45degree day...
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Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life. | |
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