Encounters With The Moronic - Page 2 - Aircraft of World War II

rochie · 07-06-2009, 09:24 AM

was once teaching a guy how to make a large cake when he came to me saying the toasted flaked almonds kept slipping off the out side of said cake and that the whipped cream on the outside had dissapeared !!!!!!!!

i walked away when i noticed he had burned his hands trying to put very hot toasted almonds straight from the grill onto his whipped cream covered cake.................

sabrina · 07-06-2009, 10:55 AM

Nice common sense...I'd like to see how he functions in the outside world. Maybe it's just a cake, but putting something hot onto something cold and wondering why it doesn't work kind of makes you wonder what else he's missing up there....

RabidAlien · 07-06-2009, 11:50 AM

I had a lady one time called me up while I was working in retail, asking me to walk her through installing her new video card (Win98 days, so some finagleing was involved). Went through everything I knew how to do, but the darn computer just would not recognize the card. She got so frustrated at one point that she exclaimed "I don't know why it won't recognize the card, its sitting right there in front of the monitor!" Her PC was under her desk. I had her bring the tower in so I could PHYSICALLY INSTALL the card.

Butters · 07-06-2009, 12:40 PM

Rochie,

Your cake story reminded me of another...

My mom's neighbor made your boy look like a Rhodes scholar. She'd made a cake using MOTOR OIL that she'd bought at the grocery store, and was complaining about how awful it was. When my mother pointed out that motor oil was not suitable for cooking, the neighbor went back to the store and went on a big rant about how grocery stores shouldn't be allowed to sell oil that you can't eat.

This is the same woman that bought a VCR (it was over 20 yrs ago). After my brother hooked it up for her, she asked if it was ready to record her soap operas while she was at work. When my brother pointed out that she still had to get a tape, she went completely ballistic, raving on about how she'd already spent $300 and wasn't going to spend one damn cent more!

I suspect that she'd given so many people a piece of her mind over the years, that...

RabidAlien · 07-06-2009, 12:58 PM

Negative Creep · 07-07-2009, 03:11 PM

I had one the other week, did a delivery for around £8 and they handed me a £20. I explained I only carry £10 change and hence could not give the correct money back. After explaining this a few times she vanishes back into the house, only to come back a few minutes later.

"Would an extra £5 help?"

diddyriddick · 07-07-2009, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Negative Creep

I had one the other week, did a delivery for around £8 and they handed me a £20. I explained I only carry £10 change and hence could not give the correct money back. After explaining this a few times she vanishes back into the house, only to come back a few minutes later.

"Would an extra £5 help?"

Yes it will!

trackend · 07-07-2009, 04:05 PM

A guy I worked with tried to defend his mate when he was accused of crashing his car into another guys parked motor he said

" It wasnt him. I was there when he didnt do it"

Njaco · 07-07-2009, 07:00 PM

speaking of food...

One day I came home and my ex had cooked beef stroganof but she said the recipe called for a lot of black pepper. I was so hungry I didn't care. One bite and my mouth was flamin'! I asked for the recipe, read it and then asked how much meat she had used. She said 1 lb.

The recipe was for 5 lbs!

Doughboy · 07-07-2009, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Butters

Rochie,

Your cake story reminded me of another...

My mom's neighbor made your boy look like a Rhodes scholar. She'd made a cake using MOTOR OIL that she'd bought at the grocery store, and was complaining about how awful it was. When my mother pointed out that motor oil was not suitable for cooking, the neighbor went back to the store and went on a big rant about how grocery stores shouldn't be allowed to sell oil that you can't eat.

This is the same woman that bought a VCR (it was over 20 yrs ago). After my brother hooked it up for her, she asked if it was ready to record her soap operas while she was at work. When my brother pointed out that she still had to get a tape, she went completely ballistic, raving on about how she'd already spent $300 and wasn't going to spend one damn cent more!

I suspect that she'd given so many people a piece of her mind over the years, that...

That's hillarrious.

trackend · 07-07-2009, 11:05 PM

See a guy take his power boat inside a submerged Jetty marker, big and very expensive mistake

vanir · 07-12-2009, 04:57 AM

Some time ago I had a patrol cop tell me the motor I put in my car never came out in my model car, so he was putting it off the road and wrote it up. He pulled me over coming out of a city strip, not for bad driving but for a good exhaust note (which was well within limits btw). We were just cruising lazily, which is what you do in a car like that.

I explained the engine I'd put in was an optional engine type on that car, which was a performance model and I'd satisfied the roadworthy requirements. But because the exterior of the car, being a base model version didn't have all the racing stripes and stickers of the loud looking performance version, and it looked for all the world like a normal small family car, that it just seemed ridiculous to this cop that it should be legal to have what amounted to a race quality engine in it. He'd never heard of the performance version I described to him, a Torana GTR XU-1 and didn't know what one was, but was going to give me a citation anyway.

Now I'll admit it was pretty impressive to have a little granny sedan that rocks and snorts at idle, but this young cop couldn't tell me one piece of legislation or roadworthy guideline that I was breaking or any that even related to what he was talking about. He said he just didn't like the car, it seemed to fast to be allowed on the road.

So he slaps the unroadworthy notice on my windscreen, tells me to drive home and get a full engineer's report and roadworthy before driving again. I'll have to take these reports to a police station for the injunction to be removed, which would cost hundreds or more and take weeks.

Bugger this I figured, this cop doesn't know what he's talking about. Next morning I go straight to a local police station, walk in the door and tell the cop on the desk I'd like a canary removed (they're yellow notices so we call them canaries). I hand him the infraction notice, which lists all sorts of nonsensical extrapolations about the difference between one engine option and another engine option (battery mount changed, manifolding change, intake ducting added, etc.).

New, older cop says, "Better pop the hood so I can have a look."
I do and he does.

"Oh an XU-1 motor, right? This one looks very clean, you obviously look after it. Great little car, I used to have one. Spun the wheels in three gears, great fun. Okay, you can take that notice off."

Ripper I says. Someone who's actually driven an XU-1 before and knows they existed.
What's that saying about absolute power and corruption? Oh that's right, absolute power is the definition of corruption.

Njaco · 07-12-2009, 01:50 PM

Great one, Vanir!

gumbyk · 07-12-2009, 04:14 PM

I hope you filed a complaint against the idiot cop who gave you the yellow sticker

07-06-2009, 09:24 AM	#16
rochie Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: billingham nr middlesbrough uk Posts: 3,634	was once teaching a guy how to make a large cake when he came to me saying the toasted flaked almonds kept slipping off the out side of said cake and that the whipped cream on the outside had dissapeared !!!!!!!! i walked away when i noticed he had burned his hands trying to put very hot toasted almonds straight from the grill onto his whipped cream covered cake................. __________________

07-06-2009, 10:55 AM	#17
sabrina Senior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Chandler, AZ Posts: 259	Nice common sense...I'd like to see how he functions in the outside world. Maybe it's just a cake, but putting something hot onto something cold and wondering why it doesn't work kind of makes you wonder what else he's missing up there.... __________________ --"sabrina" "Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage" --Anais Nin

07-06-2009, 11:50 AM	#18
RabidAlien Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Hurst, Texas Posts: 3,474	I had a lady one time called me up while I was working in retail, asking me to walk her through installing her new video card (Win98 days, so some finagleing was involved). Went through everything I knew how to do, but the darn computer just would not recognize the card. She got so frustrated at one point that she exclaimed "I don't know why it won't recognize the card, its sitting right there in front of the monitor!" Her PC was under her desk. I had her bring the tower in so I could PHYSICALLY INSTALL the card. __________________ Pillage, then burn. Argue not with dragons, for thou art crunchy and go well on toast.

07-06-2009, 12:58 PM	#20
RabidAlien Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Hurst, Texas Posts: 3,474	__________________ Pillage, then burn. Argue not with dragons, for thou art crunchy and go well on toast.

07-07-2009, 03:11 PM	#21
Negative Creep Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: New Zealand Posts: 847	I had one the other week, did a delivery for around £8 and they handed me a £20. I explained I only carry £10 change and hence could not give the correct money back. After explaining this a few times she vanishes back into the house, only to come back a few minutes later. "Would an extra £5 help?" __________________ "We attack tomorrow under cover of daylight" "Daylight sir?" "Yes it's the last thing they'll be expecting, a daylight charge over the minefield"

07-06-2009, 12:40 PM	#19
Butters Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: South Shore of Nova Scotia Posts: 377	Rochie, Your cake story reminded me of another... My mom's neighbor made your boy look like a Rhodes scholar. She'd made a cake using MOTOR OIL that she'd bought at the grocery store, and was complaining about how awful it was. When my mother pointed out that motor oil was not suitable for cooking, the neighbor went back to the store and went on a big rant about how grocery stores shouldn't be allowed to sell oil that you can't eat. This is the same woman that bought a VCR (it was over 20 yrs ago). After my brother hooked it up for her, she asked if it was ready to record her soap operas while she was at work. When my brother pointed out that she still had to get a tape, she went completely ballistic, raving on about how she'd already spent $300 and wasn't going to spend one damn cent more! I suspect that she'd given so many people a piece of her mind over the years, that...

07-07-2009, 04:05 PM	#23
trackend Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Canvey Island, Essex Posts: 4,030	A guy I worked with tried to defend his mate when he was accused of crashing his car into another guys parked motor he said " It wasnt him. I was there when he didnt do it"

07-07-2009, 07:00 PM	#24
Njaco The Pop-Tart Whisperer Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: South Jersey, United States Posts: 11,826	speaking of food... One day I came home and my ex had cooked beef stroganof but she said the recipe called for a lot of black pepper. I was so hungry I didn't care. One bite and my mouth was flamin'! I asked for the recipe, read it and then asked how much meat she had used. She said 1 lb. The recipe was for 5 lbs! __________________ "If you can read this, thank a teacher. If it's English, thank a soldier!" http://www.njcacoa.org/

07-07-2009, 11:05 PM	#26
trackend Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Canvey Island, Essex Posts: 4,030	See a guy take his power boat inside a submerged Jetty marker, big and very expensive mistake

07-12-2009, 04:57 AM	#27
vanir Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Melbourne Posts: 316	Some time ago I had a patrol cop tell me the motor I put in my car never came out in my model car, so he was putting it off the road and wrote it up. He pulled me over coming out of a city strip, not for bad driving but for a good exhaust note (which was well within limits btw). We were just cruising lazily, which is what you do in a car like that. I explained the engine I'd put in was an optional engine type on that car, which was a performance model and I'd satisfied the roadworthy requirements. But because the exterior of the car, being a base model version didn't have all the racing stripes and stickers of the loud looking performance version, and it looked for all the world like a normal small family car, that it just seemed ridiculous to this cop that it should be legal to have what amounted to a race quality engine in it. He'd never heard of the performance version I described to him, a Torana GTR XU-1 and didn't know what one was, but was going to give me a citation anyway. Now I'll admit it was pretty impressive to have a little granny sedan that rocks and snorts at idle, but this young cop couldn't tell me one piece of legislation or roadworthy guideline that I was breaking or any that even related to what he was talking about. He said he just didn't like the car, it seemed to fast to be allowed on the road. So he slaps the unroadworthy notice on my windscreen, tells me to drive home and get a full engineer's report and roadworthy before driving again. I'll have to take these reports to a police station for the injunction to be removed, which would cost hundreds or more and take weeks. Bugger this I figured, this cop doesn't know what he's talking about. Next morning I go straight to a local police station, walk in the door and tell the cop on the desk I'd like a canary removed (they're yellow notices so we call them canaries). I hand him the infraction notice, which lists all sorts of nonsensical extrapolations about the difference between one engine option and another engine option (battery mount changed, manifolding change, intake ducting added, etc.). New, older cop says, "Better pop the hood so I can have a look." I do and he does. "Oh an XU-1 motor, right? This one looks very clean, you obviously look after it. Great little car, I used to have one. Spun the wheels in three gears, great fun. Okay, you can take that notice off." Ripper I says. Someone who's actually driven an XU-1 before and knows they existed. What's that saying about absolute power and corruption? Oh that's right, absolute power is the definition of corruption.

07-12-2009, 01:50 PM	#28
Njaco The Pop-Tart Whisperer Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: South Jersey, United States Posts: 11,826	Great one, Vanir! __________________ "If you can read this, thank a teacher. If it's English, thank a soldier!" http://www.njcacoa.org/

07-12-2009, 04:14 PM	#29
gumbyk Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Auckland Posts: 251	I hope you filed a complaint against the idiot cop who gave you the yellow sticker

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