Merry Christmas To All!

[FLYBOYJ]

Life is tough, money's hard, here's your f#ckin Christmas Card....

Twas the night before Christmas and all though the house,

Everyone felt shitty, even the mouse

Dad dunk as hell, mom smoking grass.

I just settled in for a nice piece of ass

Then out from the front yard I heard such a clatter,

I jumped off the b#tch to see what was the matter

Out on my front lawn stood this fat-assed d*ck

I knew in a minute it must be Saint Nick

Up the roof and down the chimney he flew like a bat out of hell,

I knew in a minute the F#cker had fell

Filling our stockings with pretzels and beer

and a big rubber d*ck for my brother the queer

Up the chimney he flew with a thunderous fart

the FAT old bastard blew my chimney apart!

farting and cursing as he flew out of site

PISS ON YOU ALL, IT'S BEEN A HELL OF A NIGHT!

[Nonskimmer]

Classic, Joe!

[evangilder]

[the lancaster kicks ass]

nice

[lesofprimus]

Has any1 seen this yet?

Yes many times over the years.... And u missed the point of my pic, cause u aint been here long enough to understand...

[cheddar cheese]

Originally Posted by plan_D

Well, in that case ...a merry f*ckin' christmas to you !!!

I could be worse, I could be against christmas - which I'm not. All of you go out ...get drunk ...get lots of presents...have lots of fun ... do it...!

Remember, CC 'n' lanc - don't try and wait for Santa ...he knows when you're still awake.

Actually, for the record, I never belived in Santa, or the tooth fairy or easter bunny. My parents think it cruel for children to belive in something that doesnt exist and for the record, so do I...

[Nonskimmer]

Wha...ther...there's no Santa?!
You lie! You hear me?! You're a stinkin' liar!!!

*runs off in tears*

WAAAAAHHHH-AHHHHHHH!!!

[102first_hussars]

I swear I remeber this one time I was about 7 years old, the night before x-mas I left a plate My grandma's gingersnaps out for Santa, when in the morning I went to see if the cookies had been eaten, there was one bite out of cookie and a big ass pile of vomit on the floor next to it.

I think my brother learned his lesson, but what if Santa ate the damn thing

[Nonskimmer]

You made Santa sick! You bastard!!!

[Crippen]

Happy Christmas Everyone, my friend from canad sent me this, thought you would like it.


I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else...I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink, and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by, I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under the affluence of incolhol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I foos so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

[Nonskimmer]

Poetry, Bev. True poetry.

[Erich]

merry Christmas Crippen and a happy new year. Geez i don;t have to be drunk holding up my house, just ride a 100 miles on my two wheeler when it is in the freezing fog................. YES ! ..............

maybe we should try and bring in the Plum people eh ?

[Nonskimmer]

The only words I know a little are du, im, dir, und, and aus.
But nice sign.

[Crippen]

Originally Posted by Nonskimmer

Poetry, Bev. True poetry.

gee thanx

[102first_hussars]

This is a song mostly played in canada.


On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

a beer.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

two turtlenecks,
And a beer.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
three French toast,
Two turtlenecks,
And a beer. (Okay...)
There should be more there, eh?
Where? On the... go.
Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
four pounds of backbacon,
Three French toast,
Two turtlenecks,
And a beer.
In a tree. See, you need more.
Fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
five golden touques!
Four pounds of backbacon,
Three French toast,
Two turtlenecks,
And a beer, what was it?
In a tree!
On the sixth... Day Of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
six packs of two-four,
Five golden touques!
Four pounds of backbacon,
Three French toast,
Two turtlenecks,
And a beer,
In a tree!
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: seven packs of smokes,

six packs of two-four!
Five golden touques!
Four pounds of backbacon,
Three French toast,
Two turtlenecks,
And a beer,
Together In a tree!


Phew! This should just be the two days of Christmas, it's too hard for me Eh?

On the Eigth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Eight comic books,
All Seven packs of smokes, six packs of two-four,
Five golden touques!
Four pounds of backbacon, three French toast, two turtlenecks,
All And a beer,
On my tree!
Yeah. That beer's empty,
I gotta skip a few days eh? cuz all this talk about beer and back bacon just reminded me I gotta feed the dog eh? Good day Eh?, and welcome to day twelve.
Five golden touques!
All Four pounds of backbacon, three French toast, two turtlenecks, and a beer, in a tree!