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Quokes and Jokes

OFF-Topic / Misc. Discuss Quokes and Jokes in the Current forums; LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

  1. #5356
    Senior Member vikingBerserker's Avatar
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    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  2. #5357
    Senior Member phatzo's Avatar
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    The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
    "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. The Martian responds, "Pretty much the way yo...u do." A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member - about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
    "I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen. "Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?” "Well," she replies, "it's just not long enough to reach me!", "No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long. "Well," she says, "that's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow.” "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.
    As they walk along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?” "I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?” "It was horrible," he replies, "all I got was a headache...she kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
    The Mighty Raw Prawns

    9GIAP FSO

  3. #5358
    World Travelling Doctor? Gnomey's Avatar
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    "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
    Sir Winston Churchill

    "To him the People of the World Largely owe the Freedom and Liberties they Enjoy Today"
    Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London


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  4. #5359
    Senior Member Wayne Little's Avatar
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    saw that coming....

  5. #5360
    Senior Member RabidAlien's Avatar
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    Two dogs are walking down the street and one says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back."

    He trots across the street, sniffs at a fire hydrant for about a minute, then comes back.

    The other dog says, "What was that about?"

    The dog first dog says, "Oh, just checking my messages."


    Pillage, then burn.

    Argue not with dragons, for thou art crunchy and go well on toast.

  6. #5361
    Senior Member Crimea_River's Avatar
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    Wouldn't that be nice if dogs learned to text instead of barking all night

  7. #5362
    World Travelling Doctor? Gnomey's Avatar
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    "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
    Sir Winston Churchill

    "To him the People of the World Largely owe the Freedom and Liberties they Enjoy Today"
    Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London


    My Photo Collections on Flickr

  8. #5363
    Senior Member RabidAlien's Avatar
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    The Fert

    Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
    Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
    Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
    There sterts to stir an enormous wind
    The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
    stert workin like a gentle breeze
    but soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
    will have ye blawin all ower the place
    Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
    a’bodys gonnae have tae pay
    even if ye try to stifle
    It’s like a bullet oot a rifle
    Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
    tae try and stop the leakin air
    shify yersel fae cheek tae cheek
    Prae tae God it doesnae reek
    But aw yer efforts go assunder
    oot it comes like a clap a thunder
    Ricochets aroon the room
    michty me a sonic boom
    God almighty it fairly reeks
    Hope I huvnae **** ma breeks
    tae the bog I better scurry
    aw whit the hell, it’s no ma worry
    A’body roon aboot me chokin
    wan or two are nearly bokin
    I’ll feel better for a while
    Cannae help but raise a smile
    Wis him! I shout with accusin glower
    alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
    Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
    A dinnae feel welcome any mair
    Where e’re ye go let yer wind gan’ free
    sounds like just the job fur me
    whit a fuss at rabbie’s perty
    ower the sake o’ won wee ferty


    Pillage, then burn.

    Argue not with dragons, for thou art crunchy and go well on toast.

  9. #5364
    Senior Member Crimea_River's Avatar
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    Och, tha' was a good un!

  10. #5365
    World Travelling Doctor? Gnomey's Avatar
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    "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
    Sir Winston Churchill

    "To him the People of the World Largely owe the Freedom and Liberties they Enjoy Today"
    Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London


    My Photo Collections on Flickr

  11. #5366
    Senior Member Aaron Brooks Wolters's Avatar
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  12. #5367
    Senior Member Wayne Little's Avatar
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  13. #5368
    Benevolens Magister Airframes's Avatar
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    Where 'ere you be, let the wind blow free.
    In church or chapel, let it rattle !
    And why do farts smell? For the benefit of the deaf, of course!

  14. #5369
    Senior Member RabidAlien's Avatar
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    No trees were harmed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.


    Pillage, then burn.

    Argue not with dragons, for thou art crunchy and go well on toast.

  15. #5370
    Senior Member Aaron Brooks Wolters's Avatar
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