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06-06-2007, 03:29 AM
| #1 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 4,207
| Quokes and Jokes SUNDAY MORNING SEX On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, he had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Susan told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realising our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong." She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
__________________  "A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - |
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06-06-2007, 01:21 PM
| #2 |
| Der Crewchief   Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Ansbach, Germany
Posts: 33,152
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__________________  fly boy:"isnt that the first jet bomber becasue i have flown one in a flight sim before and i know how it handles"[/I] |
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06-06-2007, 07:45 PM
| #3 |
| "World Traveller"   Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK
Posts: 15,224
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__________________  "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts" Sir Winston Churchill "To him the People of the World Largely owe the Freedom and Liberties they Enjoy Today" Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London WW2 Talk: A WW2 Discussion Forum My Photo Collections on Flickr |
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06-09-2007, 02:19 PM
| #4 |
| Siggy Master  Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 13,972
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06-09-2007, 05:40 PM
| #5 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Edmonton,Alberta
Posts: 2,259
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__________________ Hello me...meet the real me. And my misfits way of life. A dark black past is my Most valued possession. Hindsight is always 20-20, But looking back its still a bit fuzzy. Speak of mutually assured destruction? Nice story...tell it to readers digest!!! |
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06-12-2007, 04:20 AM
| #6 |
| Siggy Master Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 13,972
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06-12-2007, 12:31 PM
| #7 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Canvey Island, Essex
Posts: 4,029
|  Great one |
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06-13-2007, 04:37 PM
| #8 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Kiwi Land
Posts: 850
| Frozen Crabs A man boarded an airplane in St. John's with a box of frozen crabs. A female crew member took it and promised to put it in the crew's Refrigerator, which she did. Shortly before landing, try as she might, she couldn't remember Who gave her the package, so she announced to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in St. John's please Raise your hand?" Not one hand went up. So she took them home and ate them herself.
__________________ 4 out of 5 voices in my head say I am normal. Majority rules. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. |
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06-16-2007, 04:37 AM
| #9 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Praga Mater Urbium
Posts: 5,859
| During the Cold War, a president of a Communist country goes to an audience to the Queen of England. When they meet on the official level, she gives him her hand in a glove to kiss it. He asks: "Hey, Elizabeth, why should I kiss your glove instead of your hand?" "Well, shhh, don't tell anybody, but I have an eczema..." "Hah! I don't care! Brezhnew has piles!
__________________ "He's a menace to himself and everything else in the air... yes, birds too." - Airplane! Memory of Nation Why Did Hitler Want Czechoslovakia WW2 Was A War That Had To Be Fought! What Really Happened in Israel? Children of Hamas  |
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06-17-2007, 03:38 PM
| #10 |
| Siggy Master Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 13,972
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06-17-2007, 04:02 PM
| #11 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: New Zealand
Posts: 634
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06-18-2007, 11:04 PM
| #12 |
| aka Dickcheese  Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Washington State
Posts: 13,386
| [tears] I'm speechless...
__________________  "Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the [U.S.] Marines don't have that problem." -- Ronald Reagan Master of Duplicate Posts |
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06-20-2007, 03:24 AM
| #13 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 4,207
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__________________ "A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - |
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06-21-2007, 01:35 PM
| #14 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Washington DC
Posts: 552
| Awesome! That looks like the medical office I work in...... Art |
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06-22-2007, 01:04 AM
| #15 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Alexandria, MN. USA
Posts: 804
| The scene: Two statues in a city park. One is a naked man and the other is a naked woman. God comes down to the statues and says"You two have been giving people inspiration and comfort from the sun with your shade for so long that I am going to reward you. I grant you both life for one hour." There was a thunder clap and a flash of light and both statues came alive. They jumped off their pedestals and ran into the bushes. Forty-five minutes later the naked woman comes out of the bushes combing her hair and humming to herself while the naked man appears all sweaty and exhausted. She turns to him and says " We've only got 15 minutes before we turn back into stone, please let's do it one more time. Please? The man turns to her and replies "Fine, but just once more, and this time I'll hold the pigeon and you sh-t on him!"
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