 | Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3| OFF-Topic / Misc. Discuss Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3 in the Current forums; THAT was funny...OK...here ya GO!
ONIONS AND CHRISTMAS TREES
A family was at the dinner table. The son ... |
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12-14-2007, 08:16 AM
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#301 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: my azz is in Mississippi, but, I am a true Texan.
Posts: 944
Country:  |  THAT was funny...OK...here ya GO!
ONIONS AND CHRISTMAS TREES
A family was at the dinner table. The son asked his father, "Dad, how many
kinds of boobs are there?"
The father, surprised, said, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her 20's, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm In her 30's
to 40's, they're like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50,
they're like onions".
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many
kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiled and said, "Well, dear, a man goes through
three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30's and 40's, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his
50's, it's like a Christmas tree".
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes. Dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."
__________________  "I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it." - Voltaire
A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.
- Albert Einstein Life is tough..its even harder when you're stupid. -John Wayne | 
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12-14-2007, 11:51 AM
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#302 | | Siggy Master
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12-16-2007, 04:19 PM
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#303 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 7,405
Country: | He,he....
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12-16-2007, 06:22 PM
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#304 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: my azz is in Mississippi, but, I am a true Texan.
Posts: 944
Country: | Wurger! I dig your holiday signature!! Nice!
__________________ "I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it." - Voltaire
A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.
- Albert Einstein Life is tough..its even harder when you're stupid. -John Wayne | |
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12-16-2007, 06:30 PM
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#305 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 7,405
Country: | THX very much. 
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12-16-2007, 09:21 PM
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#306 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Queensland- Australia
Posts: 897
Country:  | good joke !
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12-16-2007, 09:45 PM
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#307 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,221
Country: | I think this is an Al Sharpton "your mama" joke.
"Your mama is so fat, she went to the doctor the other day with a sore that just kept growing. After extensive testing, he told her that she had flesh eating bacteria and gave her 87 years to live." | |
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12-16-2007, 10:09 PM
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#308 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 374
Country: | .  .
a little compicated for a yo mama joke, but still funny
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12-17-2007, 05:40 PM
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#309 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Kiwi Land
Posts: 849
Country:  | Everyone knows that Bono and his band U2 jump on all sorts of crusades and try to make us feel rotten for existing a lot of the time.
Recently at a concert in Glasgow Scotland Bono stopped playing 1/2 way through a song and started slowly clapping.
After a couple of minutes of this slow clapping he stated "Every time I clap my hands a child in Africa dies of starvation."
A Glaswegian voice floated up from the front row.
"Well stop fookin clapping you evil bustard."
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12-17-2007, 05:55 PM
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#310 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,849
Country: | Yep, heard that Al Sharpton joke on Rush's show last week while driving down the road. I laughed so hard I almost had to pull over.
Another Classic Al Sharpton "You're Mama's so fat joke"
Your Mamas so fat that when she gets on the elevator, it HAS to do down. | |
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12-17-2007, 06:25 PM
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#311 | | World Traveler
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK
Posts: 11,765
Country:  | Quote:
Originally Posted by k9kiwi  Everyone knows that Bono and his band U2 jump on all sorts of crusades and try to make us feel rotten for existing a lot of the time.
Recently at a concert in Glasgow Scotland Bono stopped playing 1/2 way through a song and started slowly clapping.
After a couple of minutes of this slow clapping he stated "Every time I clap my hands a child in Africa dies of starvation."
A Glaswegian voice floated up from the front row.
"Well stop fookin clapping you evil bustard." | Already posted, bottom of the previous page  Doesn't mean it isn't funny though
__________________  "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
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12-17-2007, 07:13 PM
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#312 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
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Country: | yo mama so fat, Jabba da Hut said DANG
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Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than a thousand bayonets.
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12-18-2007, 11:09 AM
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#313 | | Senior Member
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12-18-2007, 04:16 PM
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#314 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,394
Country: | IT SUPPORT
Dear IT Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Try entering the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.
CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally would recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck, IT Support
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12-18-2007, 05:18 PM
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#315 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: my azz is in Mississippi, but, I am a true Texan.
Posts: 944
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__________________ "I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it." - Voltaire
A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.
- Albert Einstein Life is tough..its even harder when you're stupid. -John Wayne | |
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