Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3

[Wurger]

[A4K]

Have a good weekend guys - I'm outta here

[v2]

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down.
Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

[Wayne Little]

Nice one V2..

[v2]

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
"Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"

[Wayne Little]

[Aussie1001]

now thats not very nice.

[Wayne Little]

Yeah... but it's still funny!

[Wurger]

[A4K]

[Henk]

I heard the one where Superman was sitting in the bar....

[AVRoe]

Regardless of one's age, you simply should always plan ahead:

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady
because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her question about her life, about what it
felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her
new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about
her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly,
explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why
she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go man go."

[v2]

A guy has just settle down to read his Sunday paper and enjoy a cup of tea when 'BANG!' his missus whacks him over the head with a frying pan!

"What the hell was that for?" he asks rubbing his aching nut.

"For this bit of paper here I found in your trouser pocket with 'Don't forget: Saturday, 4:30, Lovely Marie.' written on it!" she says, seething.

"Oh darling," he says, "Lovely Marie is a horse I backed last weekend - I got a tip on Tuesday and wrote that down so I wouldn't forget! It ran at 4:30 on the Saturday."

His wife is mortified at what she has done and apologises. For the rest of the week she can't do enough for him.

Next Sunday he is again settling to read his paper after a long stroll, when "BANG!" his wife whacks him over the head with the soup pot.

"What the hell was THAT for?" he yells.

She stood there glaring down at him.

"Your horse phoned!"

[Wurger]

[A4K]