Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3

[A4K]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are working together for an American company building skyscrapers. Being the only foreigners, they end up as good mates, and spend their lunchtimes together out on the ledge.
One day they're having a yarn, when the Englishman opens his lunchbox. "I don't believe this.." he says," Do you guys know that I've been 30 years in this job, and everyday - every SINGLE day - the wife gives me bacon sandwiches. I'm sick to death of them! If I get bacon bloody sandwiches just one more time, I swear I'll throw myself off the bloody building!!"
The Scotsman opens his lunchbox, and says "Ay! Ah know what ya mean! I've only got bloody ham sandwiches again, harven't Ah ? Ah tell ya, if Ah get them again tomorra, I'll thrrow meself off too!"
The Irishman opens his lunchbox, and says, "Well Oi've got bloody tomato sandwiches again! Oi'm with you lads, if Oi get these feckers again tomorrow, I'm off of here with ya's!"
The next day, the lunch whistle goes, and they make their way to the ledge.
The Englishman opens his lunchbox, and closes it again in . "Bacon bloody sandwiches.." is all he says, and steps off the ledge. The Scotsman opens his, turns miserably to the Irishman, says "Bloody hahm sandwiches..." and does likewise. The Irishman slowly opens his lunchbox - tomato sandwiches. He too steps off the ledge.
The story gets around about what happened, and a week later the 3 widows are crying amongst themselves. The Englishman's wife says "If only he'd told me he didn't like bacon sandwiches, I'd never have made them for him!". The Scotsman's wife says, "Ay, and if Jock hada said he did'nae like ham sandwiches, there's no way Ah'd a given them to him!"
The Irishman's wife looks in a state of deep shock, and so they ask her kindly if she's alright. "I..I don't understand it.." she says " Paddy's been making his own lunch for years now..!"

[Wayne Little]

yeah.... new it was coming..

[Wurger]

[Wayne Little]

Thought this was ok so I snapped a shot...

[A4K]

[Lucky13]

what men would do if they had a v*gina for a day
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

what women would do if they had a p*nis for a day
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

1. Repeat number 9......

[Lucky13]

[wilbur1]

That was great lucky chick on the bike wow

[v2]

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign
in front of a broken down shanty-style house:

"Talking Dog for Sale"

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the
backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking
Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says
"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA
and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed
services...the United States Marines...you know one of their nicknames
is "The Devil Dogs". In no time at all they had me jetting from country
to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no
one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most
valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really
tired me out and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So, I decided to
settle down. I retired from the Corps (8 dog years is 56 Corps years)
and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security,
wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.
I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for
the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff. He was in the Air
Force."

[A4K]

Nice one V2!

[Konigstiger205]

[Wayne Little]

Great stuff Lucky and V2..

[Matt308]

On a trip to Great Britain while he was President of the United States ,
Bill Clinton had a meeting with Queen Eliza beth. During that meeting he
asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"


"That's easy," the Queen replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent
ministers and advisors."

"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?", asked Bill.

You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button
and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in." When Blair arrived, the
Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me.

Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your
brother. Who was this child?"

Blair replied, "That's easy. The child was me."

"Very good," said the Queen.. "You may go now."

Sizing up his wife's chances in her presidential bid, and thinking back
on that meeting, Bill Clinton spoke to Hillary. He said to her, "I have a
riddle for you, and the answer is very important. Your parents had a
child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was
that child ?"

Hillary replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the
answer. Can I deliberate on this for
awhile?"

"Yes," said Bill, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer.."

So Hillary called a meeting of her campaign team, from top to bottom, and
asked them the riddle. But after much
discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer.
She was quite upset, not knowing what she would tell her husband, the
former President. As Hillary was leaving her meeting she ran into her
most
formidable challenger to her presidential nomination, Barack Obama.

So she said, "Mr. Obama, can you answer this riddle for me? Your parents
had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who
was the child?"

"That's seems pretty easy," said Obama, "I think the child would be me."

"Oh thank you," said Hillary. "You may just have ensured my nomination
for the democratic candidate for the Presidency of the United States !"
So Hillary went back to Bill and said, "I think I know the answer to your
riddle. The child was Barack Obama.!"

"No, you Dumb BITCH!" shouted Bill. "The child was Tony Blair"

The bottom line... guess where we're headed with the two of them again
running the Country!

[Njaco]

maybe this...

[Wurger]

Oh no.Another Tltd here. Ah,ah.