 | Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3| OFF-Topic / Misc. Discuss Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3 in the Current forums; Thats funny sh##... |
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03-10-2008, 11:46 AM
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#571 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Escondido,Ca
Posts: 2,131
Country:  | Thats funny sh##
__________________  Dont shoot him...... It will just make him angry. | 
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03-11-2008, 06:50 AM
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#572 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Adelaide Sth. Aust.
Posts: 5,861
Country:  | A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled.
"We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See...1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10." "Very good, said her Mother.
"Is it because I'm Blonde, Mummy?"
"Yes honey, it's because your blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy" she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G, see a,b,c,d,e,f,g." "Very good, said her Mother.
"Is it because I'm Blonde, Mummy?"
"Yes honey, it's because your blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy" she yelled, "we were in gym class today and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" and she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very Good." said her embarrassed Mother.
"Is it because I'm Blonde, Mummy?"
"No, Honey, it's because you're 25." | |
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03-11-2008, 07:03 AM
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#573 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Bucharest
Posts: 832
Country:  | Good one Wayne 
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These airplanes we have today are no more than a perfection of a child's toy made of paper."Henri Coanda" | |
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03-11-2008, 07:41 AM
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#574 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Stafford Springs, Connecticut
Posts: 598
Country: | nice one
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"Never was so much owed by so many to so few"- Winston Churchill | 
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03-11-2008, 08:02 AM
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#575 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 7,405
Country:  |
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03-11-2008, 08:26 AM
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#576 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: South Jersey, United States
Posts: 7,214
Country: |
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"If you can read this, thank a teacher. If it's English, thank a soldier!" | |
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03-11-2008, 09:16 AM
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#577 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Adelaide
Posts: 3,730
Country: | good one Wayne!!
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03-11-2008, 06:10 PM
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#578 | | aka Dickcheese
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Washington State
Posts: 11,129
Country: | .
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"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if
they made a difference in the world. But, the [U.S.]
Marines don't have that problem."
-- Ronald Reagan Master of Duplicate Posts | |
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03-11-2008, 09:10 PM
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#579 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Queensland- Australia
Posts: 897
Country: | on a scale of 1 to 10 i give that a 9, very good mate
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98% Of teens surround their minds with rap. If you're part of the 2% that stayed with rock, put this on your signature
I am also one of the 2% who does not own a myspace account....
DEFY THE SYSTEM  | |
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03-12-2008, 07:16 AM
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#580 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Adelaide Sth. Aust.
Posts: 5,861
Country: | Good one Matt! | |
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03-12-2008, 07:28 AM
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#581 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Adelaide
Posts: 3,730
Country: | Jewelry eh, so thats the trick!
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03-12-2008, 11:31 AM
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#582 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: South Jersey, United States
Posts: 7,214
Country: | The Comeback
Love This Comeback (I got this from an email)
One of my sons serves in the military. He is stationed stateside, here in California . He called me yesterday to let me know how warm and welcoming people were to him and his troops everywhere they go. He told me how people shake their hands and thank them for being willing to serve and fight, not only for our own freedoms but so that others may have them too.
Then he told me about an incident in the grocery store he stopped at yesterday on his way home from the base. He said that several people were in the line ahead of him, including a woman dressed in a burkha. He said when she got to the cashier, she made a loud remark about the U.S. Flag lapel pin the cashier wore on her smock. The cashier reached up and touched the pin and said, 'Yes, I always wear it proudly, because I am an American.'
The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi.
Then, a Gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward, putting his arm around my son's shoulders and nodding towards my son, said in a calm and gentle voice to the Iraqi woman: "Lady, hundreds of thousands of men and women like this young man have fought and died so that YOU could stand here, in MY country and accuse a check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen. It is my belief that had you been this outspoken in YOUR own country, we wouldn't need to be there today. But, hey, if you have now learned how to speak out so loudly and clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and pay your way back to Iraq , so you can straighten out the Mess in YOUR country, that you are obviously here in MY country to avoid."
Everyone within hearing distance cheered!
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"If you can read this, thank a teacher. If it's English, thank a soldier!" | |
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03-12-2008, 11:58 AM
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#583 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Escondido,Ca
Posts: 2,131
Country: | Thats a great one nj
__________________ Dont shoot him...... It will just make him angry. | |
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03-13-2008, 06:34 AM
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#584 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Adelaide Sth. Aust.
Posts: 5,861
Country: | Top stuff NJ! | |
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03-13-2008, 03:18 PM
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#585 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,394
Country: | A tourist walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a government fire officer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll take a 6114 monkey, please."
The man nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the owner, saying, "That'll be $1,000." The owner paid and left with the monkey.
Surprised, the tourist went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that 6114 fire line monkey, he can cut line, Swat flames, lay hose, spray water, cut trees with no back talk or complaints. It's well worth the money."
The tourist spotted a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive--$10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one is a "helitack" monkey; it can marshal helicopters, brief passengers, hook up buckets, complete weight and balance forms, and load aircraft. A very useful monkey indeed," replied the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage. The price tag read, "$50,000". The shocked tourist exclaimed, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What in the world could it do?"
"Well, I've never actually seen him do anything but drink beer and play with his dick, but his papers say he's a Helicopter Pilot!"
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"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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