Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3

[Njaco]

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."

And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."
Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

[RabidAlien]

*LOL*

[RabidAlien]

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts
around Home Depot when they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm
looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was
going.'

'The young guy says, 'That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm
looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little
desperate.'

The old guy says, 'Well, maybe we can help each other. What
does your wife look like?'

The young guy says, 'Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde
hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white
shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?'

The old guy says, 'Doesn't matter - let's look for yours.'

[Konigstiger205]

[DOUGRD]

+

[Njaco]

[Wayne Little]

Joining the Chorus...

[Matt308]

>> A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout

>> looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation

>> and eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you

>> charge?"

>> Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a

>> handjob."

>> Guy says, "$500 dollars?! For a handjob?! No handjob

>> is worth that kind of money!"

>> The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the

>> corner?"

>> "Yes."

>> "Do you see the Denny's about a block further

>> down?"

>> "Yes."

>> "And beyond that, do you see that third

>> Denny's?"

>> "Yes."

>> "Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly,

>> "I own those. And, I own them because I give a handjob

>> that's worth $500."

>> The guy thinks to himself, "What the hell? You only

>> live once. I'll give it a try." and accepts the

>> hooker's offer.

>> They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the

>> guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just

>> experienced the handjob of a lifetime, worth every bit of

>> $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blowjob

>> is $1,000?"

>> The hooker replies, "$1,500."

>> "I wouldn't pay that for a blowjob!"

>> The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window,

>> big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I

>> own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a

>> blowjob that's worth every cent of $1,500."

>> The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific

>> handjob, decides to put off the new car for another year or

>> so, and says, "Sign me up."

>> Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed

>> than before. He can scarcely believe it, but he feels he

>> truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the

>> retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable

>> experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some

>> p#ssy?"

>> The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I

>> want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city

>> of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful

>> lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?"

>> "Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the

>> whole city?"

>> "No," the hooker replies. "But I would if

>> I had a p#ssy."

[RabidAlien]

**********ROTFLMBO!!!!!**********

*gasping for air* Oh holy crap, I didn't see that one coming!!!!!!!!!!

[Wayne Little]

OOOoops...

[Aussie1001]

Spits tea over moniter....
urrgh...

[DOUGRD]

++ I didn't see it coming either!! Good one Matt!

[Matt308]

"Who put this d!ck on my back?"

YouTube - There's a d**k on my back!

[A4K]

You got me with the rest of the guys Matt! Great job to you and RA!

[Cota1992]

This happened on a flight ready to depart for Fresno , California .

Jack was sitting when a guy took the seat beside him.

The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear.
'What's the matter?' Jack asked.

'I've been transferred to Fresno , there's nothing but crazy people there.

I hear they have a lot of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, illegals, poor public schools, crowded Wal-Marts, and a high crime rate'

Jack replied, 'I've lived in Fresno all my life It's not as bad as the media says.

Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business and enroll your kids
in a nice private school.

It's as safe a place as anywhere in the world.

The guy finally relaxed and said, 'Thank you.
I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's OK,
I'll take your word for it.
By the way, what do you do for a living?'

'Me?' said Jack. 'I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck.