Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3

[Wurger]

[RabidAlien]

Anybody going to Robbie Knievel's nat'l tour this year? He's trying to hit every mid-sized and larger city in the US with feats of aerobatics and stunts to awe and wow the crowds, and for the finale, he's gonna put anything his Dad did to shame: he's going to jump 500 Obama supporters, riding a bulldozer.....





(I've bought tickets for every Texas showing....)

[RabidAlien]

This old fisherman would go out in his boat every morning and come back about an hour later with a cooler filled with fish. The game warden got suspicious as to how the old guy always caught so many fish in such a short time. So he invited himself fishing with the old guy.

They went to the middle of the lake, the old guy pulls out a stick of dynamite and throws it overboard. Boom! Fish start floating to the surface and the old guy starts scooping them up in his net.

The game warden says, "You can't do that. It's illegal."

The old guy quietly lights another stick of dynamite, hands it to the game warden and says, "You gonna talk or are you gonna fish?"

[wilbur1]

Good ones rabid

[Matt308]

Quote from Willie Nelson (American cannibus smoking country singer) on his 75th birthday...

"I have outlived my D!ck"

[Njaco]

Prison vs Work
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.


@ PRISON = You spend the majority of your time in a 110 cell
@ WORK = You spend the majority of your time in an 6X6 cubicle /office

@ PRISON = You get three meals a day fully paid for
@ WORK = you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it

@ PRISON = You get time off for good behavior
@ WORK = you get more work for good behavior

@ PRISON = The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
@ WORK = You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself

@ PRISON = You can watch TV and play games
@ WORK = you could get fired for watching TV and playing games

@ PRISON = You get your own toilet
@ WORK = You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat

@ PRISON = They allow your family and friends to visit
@ WORK = You aren't even supposed to speak to your family

@ PRISON = All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
@ WORK = You get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners

@ PRISON = You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
@ WORK = You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars

@ PRISON = You must deal with sadistic wardens
@ WORK = They are called managers

Now get back to work. You're not getting paid to check forums!

[wilbur1]

Thats funny NJ

[RabidAlien]

I'm now contemplating a life of crime. Thanks, NJ.

[Wayne Little]

great stuff Guys!!

[v2]

An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man kneeling down and drinking from his farm pond.

The Amish farmer shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."
(Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows have sh|t in it.")

The kneeling man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand you. I speak Arabic and English. If you can't speak in the sacred tongue of Islam, speak in English."

The Amish farmer says: "Use two hands, you'll get more."

[Wurger]

[Wayne Little]

Excellent!!

[wilbur1]

Hell ya good one v2

[Thorlifter]

Made me laugh V2. Thanks

[v2]

3 engineers go on site to measure how high a communications pole is. An arrival they discover that there is no crane, ladder or scaffolding to get up on to measure it.

“Now what do we do?” asked one of the engineers

“Well I’ll phone the office and get someone to organize a crane to come out here” said the second engineer

Later a blonde was walking past, “Hey, for a laugh, why don’t we ask this blonde how we could measure it” one of the engineers said.

“Excuse me miss” asked the engineer

“Yes, can I help you “ the blonde inquired

“Yes, we need to measure the height of this pole is and there is no crane here, can you suggest how we might do it?”

After looking at the pole the blonde says,

“Well, why don’t undo the 4 nuts at the bottom and lay the pole down and measure the length of it and then put it back up and tighten the nuts back up” with that the blonde walks off.

“See” the first engineer says, “Typical blonde we need to know how high it is not how long!”