Quokes/Jotes

the lancaster kicks ass · 07-29-2005, 05:08 AM

haha!!

brilliant!!

cheddar cheese · 07-29-2005, 07:07 AM

Cool.

Pisis · 07-29-2005, 08:10 AM

Some Jewish jokes, youll probably know some of them, since some are very popular

Q: What's the Jewish dilema?
A: Pork in sale!

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Q: Why do Jews have so big noses?
A: Cuz the air is free.

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Two Jewish women met after a long time.
"So how is it going, my friend? Do you have any kids yet?" asks one.
"No. And you?" the second replies
"Yeah! The lawyer is three and the doctor is five."

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An poor Jewish young man has a big family and their hut is getting smaller and smaller with every new kid. So he goes to ask the rabbi what to do.
The rabbi asks him: "Do you have a dog and a cat?"
"Yes, of course"
"So take let them live inside of your house for a week and then come to visit me again"
So the man does how the rabbi adviced him. When he returns after the week, he says: "Dear rabbi, what did you adviced me, it's even worst!"
The rabbi replies: "Don't worry, go home now and take also your chickens inside and come to visit me after another week."
When he is visiting the rabbi next week, he's almost agressive. "What did you do to me, the entire room is full of feather, **** and mess by the animals!"
The rabbi just smiles and say: "Son, go home now, kick all the animals out, clean up the house and come to visit me next week."
When the man is visiting the rabbi next week, he thanks him and kissing his hands: "Oh you clever rabbi, I never knew how could be my place so big!"

Pisis · 07-29-2005, 08:17 AM

Chrisitian:

A hunter is wandering through African countryside. Suddenly he spots a Lion. He wants to shoot him, but the rifle gets jammed and it's too late to run away. So he stick his hands together, looks upwards and starts to pray: "Oh dear God, please let this Lion have the Chrisitan mind, please!"
Suddenly a lighting goes down from the sky, hitting the beast. He sticks his paws together and starts to pray: "Oh dear God, thanks for your crops, give me your blessings on that meal I'm going to eat"

the lancaster kicks ass · 07-29-2005, 09:54 AM

i like that one............

plan_D · 07-29-2005, 10:19 AM

marconi · 07-29-2005, 12:03 PM

Rabbi is sitting at the roof of his house during the flood. and praying to the God: Dear God I always did as the Bible says and served You well.Protect me from the flood.
A boat comes to his house and that are sitting there tell to rabbi to got on the boat, but rabbi replies: No, my God will save me.
Boat departs.Soon another boat appears, but rabbi rejects this help too.Then the third boat comes to help rabbi but he reject this help too.Then the level of water rises and rabbi sinks.
He stands in front of God in heaven.
R: "My Lord why didn't you save me?Didn't I serve you well?Weren't my prays sincere enough?"

G: "You, moron, I've send three boats to save you"

cheddar cheese · 07-29-2005, 12:04 PM

I saw it coming but still good

Nonskimmer · 07-29-2005, 12:25 PM

Good one.

marconi · 07-29-2005, 05:08 PM

Did he really said that? Some of George Bush's aphorisms taken from American press.

- It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

- The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady, in my case.

- Families is where our nation find hope, where wings take dream.

- When I'm talking about - when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.

- I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California.

- We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself.

- One of the great things about books is that sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.

- I am responsible for all of my mistakes. And so are you.

- For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it.

- The American peoples expectations are that we will fail. Our mission is to exceed their expectations.

- Education is my top priority. However, education is not my top priority.

The mission must be to fight and win war and therefore to prevent war from happening in the first place.

The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself.

The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself. (my favorite)

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.

It's your money. You paid for it.

Reading is not an art. It's a science.

Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.

cheddar cheese · 07-29-2005, 05:26 PM

Theyre good!

Medvedya · 07-29-2005, 07:22 PM

This is funny - and the lyrics ring so true!

http://www.rathergood.com/first_drink/

plan_D · 07-30-2005, 03:44 AM

I have the Bushism calender 2005, it makes you cry sometimes knowing that someone like that rules the most powerful nation on the planet.

cheddar cheese · 07-30-2005, 05:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medvedya

This is funny - and the lyrics ring so true!

http://www.rathergood.com/first_drink/

Haha brilliant

Pisis · 07-30-2005, 12:06 PM

I like most the "One of the great things about books is that sometimes there are some fantastic pictures"

Another one is "We must brake the terrieres" (instead of barriers...)

He's trully an idiot. We had a quite same pre-1989 PM, called Milouš Jakeš, whose IQ had to be lower then a parrot (BTW, in compaharson IQ test: Gorilla Koko has more then GWB!

really!!) who was talking unbelieveable shits in the "parlament". Like mistaking boiler for broilers (a type of chicken grown for meat), etc...