Quokes/Jotes

trackend · 03-08-2005, 12:04 PM

I like it crazy

I'm in Marbella(spain) at the moment and I think the pilot on my flight in was one of them guys we must have bounced ten ft in the air on touch down and as my missus is a bad flyer it nearly cost me two broken fingers she squeezed them so hard

I dont know about Boeing it was more like boing.

cheddar cheese · 03-08-2005, 12:06 PM

Having a good time though I hope!

Nonskimmer · 03-08-2005, 08:46 PM

Military Humour

On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the
field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the
field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft
asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
If it's an American Airlines flight, it 3 o'clock.
If it's an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it's a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it's an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If it's a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."

*********************

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was
driving down a muddy back road encountered another car
stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the
wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he
pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing
him the keys, "Yours is."

*********************

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now
let's try it again!"

Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "No, SIR!"

*********************

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your
party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter
pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a
jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts
down.

**********************

An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were
sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting
finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached
for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me!
My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead
and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of
a whorehouse smells like."

**********************

"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again."

mosquitoman · 03-08-2005, 08:53 PM

Very good.
Writing on the side of a V1: Hello RAF, have your guns jammed again?

reddragon · 03-08-2005, 10:58 PM

How can you tell when a politician is lying?

His lips are moving.

the lancaster kicks ass · 03-09-2005, 01:57 PM

they're brilliant.........

cheddar cheese · 03-09-2005, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nonskimmer

Military Humour

On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the
field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the
field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft
asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
If it's an American Airlines flight, it 3 o'clock.
If it's an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it's a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it's an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If it's a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."

*********************

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was
driving down a muddy back road encountered another car
stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the
wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he
pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing
him the keys, "Yours is."

*********************

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now
let's try it again!"

Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "No, SIR!"

*********************

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your
party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter
pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a
jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts
down.

**********************

An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were
sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting
finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached
for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me!
My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead
and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of
a whorehouse smells like."

**********************

"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again."

Ah, great stuff

Military humour is the probably my favourite of all humour.

mosquitoman · 03-09-2005, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by "Nonskimmer

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your
party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter
pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a
jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts
down.

I actually know of someone in my halls who is in the ATC who fits this stereotype perfectly

Nonskimmer · 03-11-2005, 08:45 PM

Broke is Broke

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning" said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damn good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."