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Old 03-03-2005, 09:23 PM   #1
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Quokes/Jotes

"A hard man is good to find." - Mae West.


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Old 03-03-2005, 09:43 PM   #2
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A guy is talking about his boring sex life with a friend .

"I don't, know how to put the fun back into it Charlie"

"What,s your favorite position Fred ?"

"I haven't really got a preference "

"Have you tried the Buckaroo Fred?"

"Whats that? I ain't heard of it "

"You take her doggie style, call out an ex girl friends name
& see how long you can stay on for"
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Old 03-04-2005, 09:54 AM   #3
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with my one last gaping breath id apologise for bleeding on your shirt...
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Old 03-04-2005, 01:00 PM   #4
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"Reminds me of the time I sank the Tirpitz" comments a Spitfire pilot, "One pass of course, old boy."
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Old 03-04-2005, 01:35 PM   #5
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What have your girlfriend and a hoover got in common?
When it stops sucking it's time to change the bag
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When you realise that the light at the end of the tunnel is actually an oncoming train, you know it's time to run for your life
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Old 03-04-2005, 01:35 PM   #6
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Sorry to any girls on the site
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Old 03-04-2005, 01:42 PM   #7
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Nah!
Good joke, btw!
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Old 03-04-2005, 01:57 PM   #8
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Aye thats a good one
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Old 03-05-2005, 01:04 AM   #9
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Quote from my old man when asked this question "are you going to the 60th D-Day commemorations at Normandy this year Bill? apparently there's even going to be some Germans there"

"There where Germans there the last time I went in 1944"
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Old 03-05-2005, 04:08 AM   #10
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True
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Old 03-05-2005, 07:10 AM   #11
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Good sense of humour.
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Old 03-05-2005, 01:57 PM   #12
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He's a cantankerous old git at times but he's still my dad I'm very proud of the bit he did and as he has said to me it is only though the old timers that the dead really have a voice as they saw them die, most of them without any heroics and i have to admit the few by comparison that ive seen go don't have many famous last words apart from " mum".
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Old 03-07-2005, 08:47 PM   #13
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The entrance door of the plane opens and two men dressed in Pilots'
uniforms walk up the aisle.

Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit,
the door closes, and the engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign
that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting
in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water,
panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon
all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is
in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,

"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all
gonna die."

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Old 03-08-2005, 04:08 AM   #14
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Nice!
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Old 03-08-2005, 10:11 AM   #15
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Brilliant
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