Quokes/Jotes - Aircraft of World War II

GermansRGeniuses · 03-03-2005, 11:23 PM

"A hard man is good to find." - Mae West.

Contribute.

trackend · 03-03-2005, 11:43 PM

A guy is talking about his boring sex life with a friend .

"I don't, know how to put the fun back into it Charlie"

"What,s your favorite position Fred ?"

"I haven't really got a preference "

"Have you tried the Buckaroo Fred?"

"Whats that? I ain't heard of it "

"You take her doggie style, call out an ex girl friends name
& see how long you can stay on for"

cheddar cheese · 03-04-2005, 11:54 AM

the lancaster kicks ass · 03-04-2005, 03:00 PM

mosquitoman · 03-04-2005, 03:35 PM

What have your girlfriend and a hoover got in common?
When it stops sucking it's time to change the bag

mosquitoman · 03-04-2005, 03:35 PM

Sorry to any girls on the site

Nonskimmer · 03-04-2005, 03:42 PM

Nah!
Good joke, btw!

cheddar cheese · 03-04-2005, 03:57 PM

Aye thats a good one

trackend · 03-05-2005, 03:04 AM

Quote from my old man when asked this question "are you going to the 60th D-Day commemorations at Normandy this year Bill? apparently there's even going to be some Germans there"

"There where Germans there the last time I went in 1944"

mosquitoman · 03-05-2005, 06:08 AM

True

Nonskimmer · 03-05-2005, 09:10 AM

Good sense of humour.

trackend · 03-05-2005, 03:57 PM

He's a cantankerous old git at times but he's still my dad I'm very proud of the bit he did and as he has said to me it is only though the old timers that the dead really have a voice as they saw them die, most of them without any heroics and i have to admit the few by comparison that ive seen go don't have many famous last words apart from " mum".

Crazy · 03-07-2005, 10:47 PM

The entrance door of the plane opens and two men dressed in Pilots'
uniforms walk up the aisle.

Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit,
the door closes, and the engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign
that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting
in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water,
panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon
all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is
in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,

"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all
gonna die."

Nonskimmer · 03-08-2005, 06:08 AM

Nice!

cheddar cheese · 03-08-2005, 12:11 PM

Brilliant

03-03-2005, 11:23 PM	#1
GermansRGeniuses Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 2,043	Quokes/Jotes "A hard man is good to find." - Mae West. Contribute. __________________ Holder of "Crappiest Post Ever" Award. 2005 Palos Verdes Concours d'Elegance Thread

03-04-2005, 03:00 PM	#4
the lancaster kicks ass Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 19,945	__________________ "Reminds me of the time I sank the Tirpitz" comments a Spitfire pilot, "One pass of course, old boy."

03-04-2005, 03:35 PM	#5
mosquitoman Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Saffron Walden/Sheffield Posts: 2,991	What have your girlfriend and a hoover got in common? When it stops sucking it's time to change the bag __________________ When you realise that the light at the end of the tunnel is actually an oncoming train, you know it's time to run for your life

03-04-2005, 03:35 PM	#6
mosquitoman Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Saffron Walden/Sheffield Posts: 2,991	Sorry to any girls on the site __________________ When you realise that the light at the end of the tunnel is actually an oncoming train, you know it's time to run for your life

03-05-2005, 06:08 AM	#10
mosquitoman Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Saffron Walden/Sheffield Posts: 2,991	True __________________ When you realise that the light at the end of the tunnel is actually an oncoming train, you know it's time to run for your life

03-03-2005, 11:43 PM	#2
trackend Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Canvey Island, Essex Posts: 4,029	A guy is talking about his boring sex life with a friend . "I don't, know how to put the fun back into it Charlie" "What,s your favorite position Fred ?" "I haven't really got a preference " "Have you tried the Buckaroo Fred?" "Whats that? I ain't heard of it " "You take her doggie style, call out an ex girl friends name & see how long you can stay on for"

03-04-2005, 11:54 AM	#3
cheddar cheese Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: WSM, England Posts: 20,387

03-04-2005, 03:42 PM	#7
Nonskimmer Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia Posts: 8,871	Nah! Good joke, btw!

03-04-2005, 03:57 PM	#8
cheddar cheese Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: WSM, England Posts: 20,387	Aye thats a good one

03-05-2005, 03:04 AM	#9
trackend Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Canvey Island, Essex Posts: 4,029	Quote from my old man when asked this question "are you going to the 60th D-Day commemorations at Normandy this year Bill? apparently there's even going to be some Germans there" "There where Germans there the last time I went in 1944"

03-05-2005, 09:10 AM	#11
Nonskimmer Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia Posts: 8,871	Good sense of humour.

03-05-2005, 03:57 PM	#12
trackend Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Canvey Island, Essex Posts: 4,029	He's a cantankerous old git at times but he's still my dad I'm very proud of the bit he did and as he has said to me it is only though the old timers that the dead really have a voice as they saw them die, most of them without any heroics and i have to admit the few by comparison that ive seen go don't have many famous last words apart from " mum".

03-07-2005, 10:47 PM	#13
Crazy Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 699	The entrance door of the plane opens and two men dressed in Pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die." __________________

03-08-2005, 06:08 AM	#14
Nonskimmer Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia Posts: 8,871	Nice!

03-08-2005, 12:11 PM	#15
cheddar cheese Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: WSM, England Posts: 20,387	Brilliant

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