 | Quokes/Jotes... Continued! Chapter 3| OFF-Topic / Misc. Discuss Quokes/Jotes... Continued! Chapter 3 in the Current forums; SUNDAY MORNING SEX
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparent's ... |
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06-06-2007, 01:29 AM
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#1 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
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Country:  | SUNDAY MORNING SEX
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, he had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Susan told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realising our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
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"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | 
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06-06-2007, 11:21 AM
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#2 | | Der Crewchief
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__________________  US Army Blackhawk Crewchief 2000-2006 Classic ww2aircraft.net quotes: fly boy said: "isn't that the first jet bomber? becasue i have flown one in a flight sim before and i know how it handles" "wait what ok who made the b-2 crash come on people that messed up its a b-2" "ah yes the mistel those things are so annoying is games and in real life" | 
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06-06-2007, 05:45 PM
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__________________  "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
Sir Winston Churchill
"To him the people of the world largely owe the Freedom and liberties they enjoy today"
Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London
Moderator WW2 Talk: A WW2 Discussion Forum | |
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06-09-2007, 12:19 PM
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06-09-2007, 03:40 PM
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Hello me...meet the real me.
And my misfits way of life.
A dark black past is my
Most valued possession.
Hindsight is always 20-20,
But looking back its still a bit fuzzy.
Speak of mutually assured destruction?
Nice story...tell it to readers digest!!! | |
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06-12-2007, 02:20 AM
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06-12-2007, 10:31 AM
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06-13-2007, 02:37 PM
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#8 | | Senior Member
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Country:  | Frozen Crabs
A man boarded an airplane in St. John's with a box of frozen crabs.
A female crew member took it and promised to put it in the crew's Refrigerator, which she did.
Shortly before landing, try as she might, she couldn't remember
Who gave her the package, so she announced to the entire cabin,
"Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in St. John's please Raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up. So she took them home and ate them herself.
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4 out of 5 voices in my head say I am normal. Majority rules.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. | |
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06-16-2007, 02:37 AM
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| During the Cold War, a president of a Communist country goes to an audience to the Queen of England.
When they meet on the official level, she gives him her hand in a glove to kiss it.
He asks: "Hey, Elizabeth, why should I kiss your glove instead of your hand?"
"Well, shhh, don't tell anybody, but I have an eczema..."
"Hah! I don't care! Brezhnew has piles! | |
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06-17-2007, 01:38 PM
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06-17-2007, 02:02 PM
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06-18-2007, 09:04 PM
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Country:  | [tears] I'm speechless...
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"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if
they made a difference in the world. But, the [U.S.]
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06-20-2007, 01:24 AM
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#13 | | Senior Member
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"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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06-21-2007, 11:35 AM
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Country: | Awesome!
That looks like the medical office I work in......
Art | |
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06-21-2007, 11:04 PM
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#15 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Alexandria, MN. USA
Posts: 742
Country: | The scene: Two statues in a city park. One is a naked man and the other is a naked woman. God comes down to the statues and says"You two have been giving people inspiration and comfort from the sun with your shade for so long that I am going to reward you. I grant you both life for one hour." There was a thunder clap and a flash of light and both statues came alive. They jumped off their pedestals and ran into the bushes. Forty-five minutes later the naked woman comes out of the bushes combing her hair and humming to herself while the naked man appears all sweaty and exhausted. She turns to him and says " We've only got 15 minutes before we turn back into stone, please let's do it one more time. Please? The man turns to her and replies "Fine, but just once more, and this time I'll hold the pigeon and you sh-t on him!"
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