Quokes/Jotes...Continued!

cheddar cheese · 12-03-2005, 01:32 PM

Not if youre the one using it

Gnomey · 12-03-2005, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheddar cheese

Not if youre the one using it

That would just be great fun...

the lancaster kicks ass · 12-04-2005, 04:05 AM

expensite with the ammo, though, they should give the rate of fire in £s per second

Nonskimmer · 12-13-2005, 03:05 PM

Here's one I heard on the radio this morning.

A blond calls up her boyfriend in frustration one day.
"What's wrong, sweetie?", he asks.
"Oh, I've got this jigsaw puzzle here in front of me, but there are like a thousand pieces and I can't even get the thing started!", she says in dismay.
"Well what's it supposed to be?", he asks.
"According to the picture on the box, it's supposed to be a tiger.", she says.
"Alright then, I'll be right over.", and with that he heads over to her place.

When he arrives at his girlfriend's house, the boyfriend follows his blond belle into the kitchen where she has everything spread out on the table. He stops and looks thoughtfully at everything on the table for a long moment, and scratches his head. Then he gently takes his sweetheart by the arm and says:
"It's alright sweetie. You just sit down here, I'll make us a nice cup of tea, and then we'll put the Frosted Flakes back in the box.

102first_hussars · 12-13-2005, 04:19 PM

I got one for yah

Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons.

"My son," the first one says, "started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!"

"My son," said the second, "started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!"

"My son," said the third, "started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock."

"Well," the fourth guy said, "my son's turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He's a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL boyfriends. On the plus side, between them, they gave him four cars, a mansion, and a million dollars in stock for his birthday."

Gnomey · 12-13-2005, 04:21 PM

Nonskimmer · 12-13-2005, 04:42 PM

Ha. Not bad.

A cleaner kept getting the same note from a female customer: USE MORE STAIN REMOVER ON PANTIES.
This would keep up week after week, and no matter how much he tried his best to satisfy this lady, she just kept sending her laundry in with the same damn note: USE MORE STAIN REMOVER ON PANTIES...USE MORE STAIN REMOVER ON PANTIES...and on, and on.

Finally he had enough and sent her a note of his own: USE MORE PAPER ON ARSE.

Gnomey · 12-13-2005, 04:47 PM

NS, that is a good one!

102first_hussars · 12-13-2005, 10:19 PM

I Got another

On Saint Patrick's Day, an Irishman who had a little to much to drink was driving home from the city and his car was weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulled him over.
"So," said the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf

Gnomey · 12-14-2005, 03:33 AM

Good one Hussars.

Pisis · 12-14-2005, 06:54 AM

A Chinese couple named Wong had a new baby.

The nurse brings them over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, definitely Caucasian white baby boy!

"Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents. "What will you name the baby?"

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says..........

"Well, two Wongs don't make a white, so I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong."

the lancaster kicks ass · 12-14-2005, 11:11 AM

102first_hussars · 12-14-2005, 05:23 PM

I got kind of a sick one for you guys.

A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."

The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch.

He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."

Pisis · 12-15-2005, 01:44 AM

sicken.....

102first_hussars · 12-15-2005, 02:06 AM

Disturbing