 | Quokes/Jotes...Continued!| OFF-Topic / Misc. Discuss Quokes/Jotes...Continued! in the Current forums; Funny As Hell
http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/ju...TH_HIS_TONGUE/... |
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03-03-2006, 06:01 PM
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#421 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Edmonton,Alberta
Posts: 2,260
Country:  |
__________________
Hello me...meet the real me.
And my misfits way of life.
A dark black past is my
Most valued possession.
Hindsight is always 20-20,
But looking back its still a bit fuzzy.
Speak of mutually assured destruction?
Nice story...tell it to readers digest!!! | 
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03-04-2006, 10:35 AM
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#422 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Praga Mater Urbium
Posts: 5,887
Country:  | lol | |
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03-05-2006, 03:26 AM
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#423 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: UK
Posts: 3,573
Country:  | An English female comic Linda Smith died of ovarian cancer earlier this week at the age of 48 here's a few quotes from her.
"Jesus couldn't have been English cause he wore sandals but never with socks".
"I'm a dyslexic Satanist, I worship the drivel"
"Tim Henman is the human equivalent of beige"
"Lord of the Rings is a book for engineers called Dave"
On the winter sport of Curling
"House work on ice"
"Erith isn't twinned with anywhere but is does have a suicide pact with Dagenham"
"I play all my country & Western songs backwards-
Your lover returns,Your dog comes home and you cease to be an alcoholic".
__________________
"Only thoses who lose freedom know it's true worth"
Unknown French woman interviewed June 1944 | |
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03-05-2006, 02:08 PM
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#424 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Kiev, Ukraine
Posts: 271
| Some photos | |
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03-05-2006, 02:13 PM
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#425 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 12,061
Country:  | There's three men sat in a pub, a Frenchman, Italian and Yorkshireman - conversation moves on to pleasing the wife ...
Frenchman "I can please my wife , I take her out for a nice meal. Wine and dine her , bring her home and make love to her ... she rises 6 inches off the bed with pleasure."
Italian " That's nothin' - I take mine out to the opera, wine and dine her , then make love to her. She raises a foot off the bed with pleasure ... "
Yorkshireman " Bah , that's nothin' ! I tell my wife to stay home, look after the five kids. I go to the pub down ten pints, come home ...shag her all over the house, *** on the bed and wipe my **** on the curtain 'n' she hits the ****in' roof! "
__________________ "When you go home tomorrow, don't expect anyone to know what you have been through. Even if they did know, most people probably wouldn't care anyway. Some of you may get the medals you deserve, many more of you will not. But remember this, all of you are now members of the front-line club, and that is the most exclusive club in the world." - Lt. Col. Matthew Maer CO 1st Battalion, the Princess of Wale's Royal Regiment. Camp Abu Naji, Oct. 2004  To those in that club. | |
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03-06-2006, 01:26 AM
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#426 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Brisbane
Posts: 507
Country:  | HAHAHA!
:ROFL!!!
__________________ I like traffic lights,
I like traffic lights,
I like traffic lights,
that is what I said....  | |
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03-06-2006, 03:21 AM
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#427 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,388
Country:  | The joke is from Belgium. Belgians claim that Dutch people are
tight-fisted.
"Why are the strips, on the Dutch flag, horizontal? Because each time
the end becomes frayed, they can cut it back".
A Dutch friend of mine told her mother this joke and her mother replied:
"why is it funny? I always do that!" | |
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03-06-2006, 06:26 AM
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#428 | | World Traveler
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK
Posts: 11,751
Country: |
__________________  "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
Sir Winston Churchill
"To him the People of the World Largely owe the Freedom and Liberties they Enjoy Today"
Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London
Moderator WW2 Talk: A WW2 Discussion Forum
My Photo Collections on Flickr
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03-06-2006, 08:09 AM
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#429 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Texas
Posts: 405
Country:  |
__________________ 
"And when he gets to heaven,
To Saint Peter he will tell;
One more marine reporting, sir-
I've served my time in hell." A marine gravemarker on guadalcanal | |
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03-06-2006, 08:27 AM
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#430 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,856
Country:  | A German, a Japanese guy and a Mexican are somewhere
suddenly, a ring comes from the German's arm, then he gets reminded to do something
German "oh im sorry, cause you see, here in Germany we have
advanced technology and all that so i have a chip implanted in my arm"
after a while, the Japanese guy's hand rings then he talks to his hand
Japanese: "oh sorry, cause you see, here in Japan we have all this advanced technology so i can use my hand as a cellphone"
the Mexican gets jealous, then he needs to go to the bathroom
.....
when he comes out, a piece of tissue is stuck to his bottom
he pulls it out
"oh im sorry, i just got a fax, cause here in Mexico we have all that advanced things mmkay"?
__________________  "The German Luftwaffe always fought without any reserves. This is also the reason why we have pilots with extremely high numbers of victories."
- General der Jagdflieger Adolf Galland"  | |
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03-06-2006, 12:21 PM
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#431 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Praga Mater Urbium
Posts: 5,887
Country: | Two women crash their cars
The one slaps her hands and yells on the other one: "You see. A woman driving!" | |
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03-06-2006, 12:30 PM
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#432 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Texas
Posts: 405
Country: | Quote: |
Originally Posted by loomaluftwaffe A German, a Japanese guy and a Mexican are somewhere
suddenly, a ring comes from the German's arm, then he gets reminded to do something
German "oh im sorry, cause you see, here in Germany we have
advanced technology and all that so i have a chip implanted in my arm"
after a while, the Japanese guy's hand rings then he talks to his hand
Japanese: "oh sorry, cause you see, here in Japan we have all this advanced technology so i can use my hand as a cellphone"
the Mexican gets jealous, then he needs to go to the bathroom
.....
when he comes out, a piece of tissue is stuck to his bottom
he pulls it out
"oh im sorry, i just got a fax, cause here in Mexico we have all that advanced things mmkay"? | 
__________________
"And when he gets to heaven,
To Saint Peter he will tell;
One more marine reporting, sir-
I've served my time in hell." A marine gravemarker on guadalcanal | |
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03-06-2006, 07:22 PM
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#433 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Edmonton,Alberta
Posts: 2,260
Country: | A bartender is getting ready to close for the night when a robber bursts in and pulls a gun.
“This is a stickup!” He yells. “Put all your dough in a bag!”
“Don’t shoot,” pleads the barkeep. “I’ll do whatever you say!”
The bartender stuffs all the money into a bag and hands it over. The crook snatches it and then puts the gun to the bartender’s head and says, “All right, now give me a blow job!”
“Anything!” cries the bartender. “Just don’t shoot!”
The bartender gets on his knees and starts blowing the guy. After a few minutes, the robber gets so excited he drops his gun.
The bartender picks the gun up off the floor and hands it back to the robber. “Hold the gun, dammit,” he says. “One of my friends might walk in!”
__________________
Hello me...meet the real me.
And my misfits way of life.
A dark black past is my
Most valued possession.
Hindsight is always 20-20,
But looking back its still a bit fuzzy.
Speak of mutually assured destruction?
Nice story...tell it to readers digest!!! | |
| | |
03-08-2006, 03:53 AM
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#435 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,388
Country: | | |
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