 | Quokes/Jotes...Continued!| OFF-Topic / Misc. Discuss Quokes/Jotes...Continued! in the Current forums; Haha thats bloody brilliant... |
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09-03-2005, 01:36 PM
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#31 | | Konfused with a 'K'
Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Turin, Italy
Posts: 20,412
Country:  | Haha thats bloody brilliant 
__________________  with my one last gaping breath id apologise for bleeding on your shirt... | 
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09-22-2005, 07:58 AM
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#32 | | "Shooter"
Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Moorpark, CA
Posts: 12,563
Country:  | A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to LosAngeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the
intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said,
"That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"
__________________  http://www.vg-photo.com Wherever their bones may lie, the courage of heroes is consecrated in the hearts and engraved in the history of the free. Lt Col Honner DSO MC, 39th Commander speaking of the dead from the battle of Kokoda. | 
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09-22-2005, 08:15 AM
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#33 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 12,057
Country:  |
__________________ "When you go home tomorrow, don't expect anyone to know what you have been through. Even if they did know, most people probably wouldn't care anyway. Some of you may get the medals you deserve, many more of you will not. But remember this, all of you are now members of the front-line club, and that is the most exclusive club in the world." - Lt. Col. Matthew Maer CO 1st Battalion, the Princess of Wale's Royal Regiment. Camp Abu Naji, Oct. 2004  To those in that club. | |
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09-22-2005, 09:10 AM
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#34 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK
Posts: 11,271
Country: |
__________________  "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
Sir Winston Churchill
"To him the people of the world largely owe the Freedom and liberties they enjoy today"
Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London
Moderator WW2 Talk: A WW2 Discussion Forum | |
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09-22-2005, 10:51 AM
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#35 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 5,850
Country:  | good one. | |
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09-22-2005, 12:57 PM
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#36 | | Master of Ewes
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 19,959
Country: | hehe hehe they're good!
__________________ 
"Reminds me of the time I sank the Tirpitz" comments a Spitfire pilot, "One pass of course, old boy." | |
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09-23-2005, 10:14 AM
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#37 | | Konfused with a 'K'
Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Turin, Italy
Posts: 20,412
Country: | Poor simple minded CC doesnt get that last joke.
__________________ with my one last gaping breath id apologise for bleeding on your shirt... | |
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09-23-2005, 01:01 PM
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#38 | | He who does not skim
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia
Posts: 8,957
Country:  | For CC only: The passenger in coach sh*t his pants.
Great joke. | |
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09-23-2005, 01:44 PM
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#39 | | Konfused with a 'K'
Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Turin, Italy
Posts: 20,412
Country: | Aha, I see 
__________________ with my one last gaping breath id apologise for bleeding on your shirt... | |
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09-23-2005, 02:29 PM
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#40 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Canada
Posts: 2,006
Country: | Good joke. An other one in the same way...
Shortly after an airline plane took off, the pilot of the plane made his usual announce : "Ladies and gentlemen, this is commander speaking. Welcome aboard Flight 254. We're gonna fly at an altitude of 25,000 feet with clear weather and light winds..."
After completing his speech, he started to talk with the co-pilot, not realizing that he forgot to shut down the microphone.
- You know the new air-hostess ? The blond one in second-class ?
- Yeah... answered the co-pilot.
- She's got a nice ass. I'll go to the toilets and then I think I'm gonna f*ck her...
Hearing that, the air-hostess thought : "His microphone is still on... I must go tell him !" and ran all the way back to the pilot's compartment.
An old man at the back of the plane raised and shouted : "Hey, you haven't heard ? He said he had to go to the toilets first !"
Okay... that one sucked a little. | |
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09-23-2005, 03:52 PM
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#41 | | He who does not skim
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia
Posts: 8,957
Country: | It was funny just because of your comment at the end. | |
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09-23-2005, 04:20 PM
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#42 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 5,850
Country: | I really like nice girls arses. | |
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09-23-2005, 06:49 PM
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#43 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Rising Above
Posts: 1,255
Country: | I do not know too many jokes, I am not sure if I already posted the following here in some other thread:
A very ellegant man, in a real fancy bar, was observing a likewise fancy and sophisticated looking woman drinking a martini -with an olive-.
The man approached the woman, feeling the delicate sound of the jazz quarter playing...once by her side, he asked:
"Excuse me miss, would you have sex with me for 1,000,000 dollars?"
The woman, bewildered, all blushed replied:
"Wha..what???"
Man: "Yes, would you have sex with me for 1,000,000 dollars tonight?"
W: "Ohh...ummmm...1 million? Well, I am not sure...how come...well...yes...oh well I am afraid I would...YEs, letīs go"
M: "Now, would you have sex with me for, say, ten dollars tonight?"
W: "What???? 10 dollars???? Are you out of your mind?? What kind of woman do you think I am?????".
M: "Miss, the kind of woman you are was made clear after your response; now we are just in the process of negotiating the price."
__________________
In a national survey, 92% of the French people believed they are not ugly: 93% of them were wrong. | |
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09-24-2005, 08:04 AM
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#44 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK
Posts: 11,271
Country: |
__________________ "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
Sir Winston Churchill
"To him the people of the world largely owe the Freedom and liberties they enjoy today"
Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London
Moderator WW2 Talk: A WW2 Discussion Forum | |
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09-24-2005, 08:05 AM
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#45 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 5,850
Country: |
Another one:
A married man walks into his bedrrom, while his wife is in the bed. He carries a goat in his arms. He say: "You see, this is the cow I **** while you have periods"
The wife replies: "You idiot, can't you just see it's not a cow but a goat?"
"Shut up! Who's talking to you?!"
NOTE: Cow is equal to bitch in Czech. | |
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