Quokes/Jotes...Continued! - Page 3 - Aircraft of World War II

cheddar cheese · 09-03-2005, 01:36 PM

Haha thats bloody brilliant

evangilder · 09-22-2005, 07:58 AM

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to LosAngeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the
intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said,
"That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

plan_D · 09-22-2005, 08:15 AM

Gnomey · 09-22-2005, 09:10 AM

Pisis · 09-22-2005, 10:51 AM

good one.

the lancaster kicks ass · 09-22-2005, 12:57 PM

hehe hehe they're good!

cheddar cheese · 09-23-2005, 10:14 AM

Poor simple minded CC doesnt get that last joke.

Nonskimmer · 09-23-2005, 01:01 PM

For CC only: The passenger in coach sh*t his pants.

Great joke.

cheddar cheese · 09-23-2005, 01:44 PM

Aha, I see

Maestro · 09-23-2005, 02:29 PM

Good joke. An other one in the same way...

Shortly after an airline plane took off, the pilot of the plane made his usual announce : "Ladies and gentlemen, this is commander speaking. Welcome aboard Flight 254. We're gonna fly at an altitude of 25,000 feet with clear weather and light winds..."

After completing his speech, he started to talk with the co-pilot, not realizing that he forgot to shut down the microphone.

- You know the new air-hostess ? The blond one in second-class ?
- Yeah... answered the co-pilot.

- She's got a nice ass. I'll go to the toilets and then I think I'm gonna f*ck her...

Hearing that, the air-hostess thought : "His microphone is still on... I must go tell him !" and ran all the way back to the pilot's compartment.

An old man at the back of the plane raised and shouted : "Hey, you haven't heard ? He said he had to go to the toilets first !"

Okay... that one sucked a little.

Nonskimmer · 09-23-2005, 03:52 PM

It was funny just because of your comment at the end.

Pisis · 09-23-2005, 04:20 PM

I really like nice girls arses.

Udet · 09-23-2005, 06:49 PM

I do not know too many jokes, I am not sure if I already posted the following here in some other thread:

A very ellegant man, in a real fancy bar, was observing a likewise fancy and sophisticated looking woman drinking a martini -with an olive-.

The man approached the woman, feeling the delicate sound of the jazz quarter playing...once by her side, he asked:

"Excuse me miss, would you have sex with me for 1,000,000 dollars?"

The woman, bewildered, all blushed replied:

"Wha..what???"

Man: "Yes, would you have sex with me for 1,000,000 dollars tonight?"

W: "Ohh...ummmm...1 million? Well, I am not sure...how come...well...yes...oh well I am afraid I would...YEs, let´s go"

M: "Now, would you have sex with me for, say, ten dollars tonight?"

W: "What???? 10 dollars???? Are you out of your mind?? What kind of woman do you think I am?????".

M: "Miss, the kind of woman you are was made clear after your response; now we are just in the process of negotiating the price."

Gnomey · 09-24-2005, 08:04 AM

Pisis · 09-24-2005, 08:05 AM

Another one:

A married man walks into his bedrrom, while his wife is in the bed. He carries a goat in his arms. He say: "You see, this is the cow I **** while you have periods"
The wife replies: "You idiot, can't you just see it's not a cow but a goat?"
"Shut up! Who's talking to you?!"

NOTE: Cow is equal to bitch in Czech.

09-22-2005, 07:58 AM	#32
evangilder "Shooter" Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Moorpark, CA Posts: 15,420	A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to LosAngeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!" __________________ For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return. Leonardo Da Vinci

09-22-2005, 08:15 AM	#33
plan_D Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 11,978	__________________ "When you go home tomorrow, don't expect anyone to know what you have been through. Even if they did know, most people probably wouldn't care anyway. Some of you may get the medals you deserve, many more of you will not. But remember this, all of you are now members of the front-line club, and that is the most exclusive club in the world." - Lt. Col. Matthew Maer CO 1st Battalion, the Princess of Wale's Royal Regiment. Camp Abu Naji, Oct. 2004 To those in that club.

09-22-2005, 09:10 AM	#34
Gnomey "World Traveller" Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK Posts: 16,520	__________________ "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts" Sir Winston Churchill "To him the People of the World Largely owe the Freedom and Liberties they Enjoy Today" Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London WW2 Talk: A WW2 Discussion Forum My Photo Collections on Flickr

09-22-2005, 10:51 AM	#35
Pisis Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Praga Mater Urbium Posts: 5,859	good one. __________________ "He's a menace to himself and everything else in the air... yes, birds too." - Airplane! Memory of Nation Why Did Hitler Want Czechoslovakia WW2 Was A War That Had To Be Fought! What Really Happened in Israel? Children of Hamas

09-22-2005, 12:57 PM	#36
the lancaster kicks ass Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 19,945	hehe hehe they're good! __________________ "Reminds me of the time I sank the Tirpitz" comments a Spitfire pilot, "One pass of course, old boy."

09-03-2005, 01:36 PM	#31
cheddar cheese Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: WSM, England Posts: 20,387	Haha thats bloody brilliant

09-23-2005, 10:14 AM	#37
cheddar cheese Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: WSM, England Posts: 20,387	Poor simple minded CC doesnt get that last joke.

09-23-2005, 01:01 PM	#38
Nonskimmer Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia Posts: 8,871	For CC only: The passenger in coach sh*t his pants. Great joke.

09-23-2005, 01:44 PM	#39
cheddar cheese Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: WSM, England Posts: 20,387	Aha, I see

09-23-2005, 02:29 PM	#40
Maestro Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Beaupré, Province of Québec, Canada Posts: 2,528	Good joke. An other one in the same way... Shortly after an airline plane took off, the pilot of the plane made his usual announce : "Ladies and gentlemen, this is commander speaking. Welcome aboard Flight 254. We're gonna fly at an altitude of 25,000 feet with clear weather and light winds..." After completing his speech, he started to talk with the co-pilot, not realizing that he forgot to shut down the microphone. - You know the new air-hostess ? The blond one in second-class ? - Yeah... answered the co-pilot. - She's got a nice ass. I'll go to the toilets and then I think I'm gonna f*ck her... Hearing that, the air-hostess thought : "His microphone is still on... I must go tell him !" and ran all the way back to the pilot's compartment. An old man at the back of the plane raised and shouted : "Hey, you haven't heard ? He said he had to go to the toilets first !" Okay... that one sucked a little. __________________ Maestro http://www.yantremblay.com/

09-23-2005, 03:52 PM	#41
Nonskimmer Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia Posts: 8,871	It was funny just because of your comment at the end.

09-23-2005, 04:20 PM	#42
Pisis Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Praga Mater Urbium Posts: 5,859	I really like nice girls arses. __________________ "He's a menace to himself and everything else in the air... yes, birds too." - Airplane! Memory of Nation Why Did Hitler Want Czechoslovakia WW2 Was A War That Had To Be Fought! What Really Happened in Israel? Children of Hamas

09-23-2005, 06:49 PM	#43
Udet Banned Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 1,258	I do not know too many jokes, I am not sure if I already posted the following here in some other thread: A very ellegant man, in a real fancy bar, was observing a likewise fancy and sophisticated looking woman drinking a martini -with an olive-. The man approached the woman, feeling the delicate sound of the jazz quarter playing...once by her side, he asked: "Excuse me miss, would you have sex with me for 1,000,000 dollars?" The woman, bewildered, all blushed replied: "Wha..what???" Man: "Yes, would you have sex with me for 1,000,000 dollars tonight?" W: "Ohh...ummmm...1 million? Well, I am not sure...how come...well...yes...oh well I am afraid I would...YEs, let´s go" M: "Now, would you have sex with me for, say, ten dollars tonight?" W: "What???? 10 dollars???? Are you out of your mind?? What kind of woman do you think I am?????". M: "Miss, the kind of woman you are was made clear after your response; now we are just in the process of negotiating the price."

09-24-2005, 08:04 AM	#44
Gnomey "World Traveller" Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK Posts: 16,520	__________________ "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts" Sir Winston Churchill "To him the People of the World Largely owe the Freedom and Liberties they Enjoy Today" Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London WW2 Talk: A WW2 Discussion Forum My Photo Collections on Flickr

09-24-2005, 08:05 AM	#45
Pisis Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Praga Mater Urbium Posts: 5,859	Another one: A married man walks into his bedrrom, while his wife is in the bed. He carries a goat in his arms. He say: "You see, this is the cow I **** while you have periods" The wife replies: "You idiot, can't you just see it's not a cow but a goat?" "Shut up! Who's talking to you?!" NOTE: Cow is equal to bitch in Czech. __________________ "He's a menace to himself and everything else in the air... yes, birds too." - Airplane! Memory of Nation Why Did Hitler Want Czechoslovakia WW2 Was A War That Had To Be Fought! What Really Happened in Israel? Children of Hamas

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