 | Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!| OFF-Topic / Misc. Discuss Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2! in the Current forums; Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced,
"Please prepare for a crash landing!"
The ... |
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05-29-2006, 05:52 PM
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#136 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Edmonton,Alberta
Posts: 2,260
Country:  | Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced,
"Please prepare for a crash landing!"
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady said, "Well when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first."
The second lady not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra.
"Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned
"Well when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first."
The third lady who was African, not wanting to be out done took off her pants and panties.
"Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned.
"Well they always search for the black box first?"
__________________
Hello me...meet the real me.
And my misfits way of life.
A dark black past is my
Most valued possession.
Hindsight is always 20-20,
But looking back its still a bit fuzzy.
Speak of mutually assured destruction?
Nice story...tell it to readers digest!!! | 
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05-30-2006, 02:56 AM
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#137 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,139
Country:  | A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him
"You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They'll go to heaven and you'll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room."
The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman.
"I choose this room!" the man says.
"Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder.
"You can go now. I've found you're replacement."
__________________ 
"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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05-30-2006, 08:24 AM
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#138 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 5,845
Country:  | ROFLFMAO!!!!! | |
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05-30-2006, 08:34 AM
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#139 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 5,845
Country: | how many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3.
One to replace it, & two to write a poem about how they miss the old one.
_________________________________
A rabbi, a priest, and an irishman go to heaven and find themselves before god. god goes to them and says to the rabbi "if you ever pick up another coin off the street, you're going to hell", to the priest "if you have one more impure thought, you're going to hell" and to the irishman "if youthinka bout having one more alchoholic drink, you're going to hell". he then them back to earth. the irishman thinks about beer shortly after, and goes straight to hell. the priest and the rabbi walk off together discussing the experience, and the rabbi spots a penny. he bends down to pick it up, and the priest goes to hell. | |
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05-30-2006, 10:04 AM
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#140 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 5,845
Country: | | |
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05-30-2006, 02:24 PM
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#141 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Kiev, Ukraine
Posts: 270
| Who is Hu?
(Conversation heard in the Oval Office between George W. Bush and Dr. Condoleezza Rice, his National Security Advisor.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East? | |
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06-01-2006, 09:21 PM
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#142 | | Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 87
Country:  | Q. why dont they teach sex ed and drivers ed on the same day in Iraq?
A. its too hard on the camels.
i came up with that one.
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06-02-2006, 01:03 AM
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#143 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 6,064
Country: |
__________________  | |
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06-02-2006, 02:11 AM
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#144 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 5,845
Country: | LOL | |
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06-02-2006, 02:31 PM
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#145 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK
Posts: 11,231
Country:  |
__________________  "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
Sir Winston Churchill
"To him the people of the world largely owe the Freedom and liberties they enjoy today"
Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London
Moderator WW2 Talk: A WW2 Discussion Forum | 
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06-05-2006, 06:04 AM
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#146 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,139
Country: | Surprise?
__________________
"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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06-05-2006, 09:01 AM
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#147 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,139
Country: |
__________________
"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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06-05-2006, 01:07 PM
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#148 | | Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 97
| I dont know if this is the right place to post this.Buthttp://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5572303080094651959 Dont they have bones in their body.
or just think..........olala | |
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06-05-2006, 02:48 PM
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#149 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,139
Country: |
__________________
"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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06-05-2006, 02:57 PM
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#150 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK
Posts: 11,231
Country: |
__________________ "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
Sir Winston Churchill
"To him the people of the world largely owe the Freedom and liberties they enjoy today"
Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London
Moderator WW2 Talk: A WW2 Discussion Forum | |
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