 | Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!| OFF-Topic / Misc. Discuss Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2! in the Current forums; Im always right...... |
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11-21-2006, 03:22 PM
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#751 | | Konfused with a 'K'
Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Turin, Italy
Posts: 20,412
Country:  | Im always right... 
__________________  with my one last gaping breath id apologise for bleeding on your shirt... | 
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11-21-2006, 05:19 PM
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#752 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: George - South Africa
Posts: 2,517
Country:  | Quote:
Originally Posted by k9kiwi  Caution!
A "heads up" for you and any of your friends who may be regular Home Depot
customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out
shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite
traumatic.Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you.
Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 18 or 19-year-old
girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping items into the
trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with
their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible
not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you
for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the back seat.On
the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over
into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals
your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen October 4th , 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,
17th,20th, three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming
weekend as soon as I can buy some more wallets. | I will have fake wallets with a lot of **** in it not real money and then have one hell of a time, no here they drink up all your money, smoke up all your smokes and then you find out 9 months later you are a daddy. 
__________________ 
The ultimate revolution in aircraft designs during WW2 | |
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11-21-2006, 07:15 PM
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#753 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Kiwi Land
Posts: 848
Country:  | I use a contraceptive device these days.
Down here we call it a WIFE 
__________________
4 out of 5 voices in my head say I am normal. Majority rules.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. | |
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11-22-2006, 12:33 AM
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#754 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Canada
Posts: 1,980
Country:  | Quote:
Originally Posted by rochie a lady at a party said to winston churchill
"sir you are drunk"
"yes madam but in the morning i'll be sober but you will still be ugly"
he replied | I heard something similar about Churchill...
A lady come to his table and say :
"Sir, if I was your wife, I would put poison in your tea."
"Madam, if I was your husband, I would drink it" he replied. | |
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11-22-2006, 11:22 AM
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#755 | | aka Dickcheese
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Washington State
Posts: 9,783
Country:  | Quote:
Originally Posted by k9kiwi I use a contraceptive device these days.
Down here we call it a WIFE |
__________________ 
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if
they made a difference in the world. But, the [U.S.]
Marines don't have that problem."
-- Ronald Reagan Master of Duplicate Posts | |
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11-22-2006, 01:20 PM
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#756 | | aka Dickcheese
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Washington State
Posts: 9,783
Country: | Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.
Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii.
I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti
and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earlene with me."
__________________
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if
they made a difference in the world. But, the [U.S.]
Marines don't have that problem."
-- Ronald Reagan Master of Duplicate Posts | |
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11-22-2006, 04:13 PM
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#757 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,089
Country:  | A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the dining room table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks
solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.
"Yes, I do," she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your mother caught us behind the couch making love?"
"Yes, I remember." says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues..."Do you remember when she shoved a shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"
"I remember that, too." she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says..."I would have gotten out today."
__________________ 
"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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11-22-2006, 04:15 PM
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#758 | | aka Dickcheese
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Washington State
Posts: 9,783
Country: |
__________________
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if
they made a difference in the world. But, the [U.S.]
Marines don't have that problem."
-- Ronald Reagan Master of Duplicate Posts | |
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11-22-2006, 05:07 PM
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#759 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK
Posts: 11,070
Country:  |
__________________  "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
Sir Winston Churchill
"To him the people of the world largely owe the Freedom and liberties they enjoy today"
Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London
Moderator WW2 Talk: A WW2 Discussion Forum | |
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11-22-2006, 05:51 PM
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#760 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Adelaide
Posts: 3,367
Country:  |
__________________  | |
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11-22-2006, 09:08 PM
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#761 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Canada
Posts: 1,980
Country: | | |
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11-23-2006, 04:16 AM
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#762 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK
Posts: 11,070
Country: |
__________________ "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
Sir Winston Churchill
"To him the people of the world largely owe the Freedom and liberties they enjoy today"
Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London
Moderator WW2 Talk: A WW2 Discussion Forum | |
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11-23-2006, 12:16 PM
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#763 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Kiwi Land
Posts: 848
Country: | Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room.
Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.
Daisy asked, "Do you have a condom?"
Donald frowned and said "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom they could not have sex.
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had
condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said, and pulled one out from under the counter and
gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put that on your bill?"
"No!" Donald yelled. "What kind of a pervert do you think I am?"
__________________
4 out of 5 voices in my head say I am normal. Majority rules.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. | |
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11-23-2006, 12:17 PM
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#764 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Kiwi Land
Posts: 848
Country: | A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.
The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.
"I see your ears are working", says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my
sandwich please?". "I'm working on the building site across the road",
explains the duck.
Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues
for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the
circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him,
"You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just
brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
"Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr.
Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!".
"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?".
"At the circus", says the landlord.
"The circus?", the duck enquires.
"That's right", replies the landlord.
"The circus?. That place with the big tent?. With all the animals? With the
big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck.
"That's right!", says the landlord.
The duck looks confused, "What the f**k would they want with a plasterer?"
__________________
4 out of 5 voices in my head say I am normal. Majority rules.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. | |
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11-23-2006, 09:16 PM
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#765 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Kiwi Land
Posts: 848
Country: | Three guys are out hunting and sitting around the evening campfire exchanging their worst experiences.
The first guy says the worst thing that ever happened to him was, he was up on a scaffold 7 stories high washing windows when the scaffold collapsed and he fell, breaking every bone in his body and he was
hospitalized for six months.
The second guy says the worst thing that ever happened to him was, he was hitch-hiking and a Greyhound bus ran over him, breaking his back and he wound up in the hospital for nearly a year.
The 3rd guy was not saying anything, so one of the others asked him about his worst experience.
He said, "Well, I'll tell you about the second worst thing that ever happened to me, I was out hunting one time and I had to take a ****, so I stepped behind a tree, dropped my trousers, and crouched down into *the* position."
"Yeah? what happened next?" asks his friend.
"I got a little too close to the ground and -- WHAM -- a bear trap snapped shut on my testicles."
One of the other guys said, "God! If that was the second worst, what in the world was the worst?"
He calmly replied, "Oh, that would be when I reached the end of the chain . . ."
__________________
4 out of 5 voices in my head say I am normal. Majority rules.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. | |
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