 | Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!| OFF-Topic / Misc. Discuss Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2! in the Current forums; During the latest test of the rocket Ariane, a Frenchman was sent into orbit with a monkey. Each was given ... |
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11-23-2006, 10:20 PM
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#766 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Kiwi Land
Posts: 849
Country:  | During the latest test of the rocket Ariane, a Frenchman was sent into orbit with a monkey. Each was given an envelope prior to launch.
When they had finally left the Earth's atmosphere, the monkey opened his envelope and read the instructions:
"Adjust trim, jettison fuel pods, check matter/anti-matter readings, correct course to 110 degrees and ease back on throttle controls.
Activate internal and external videos, secure all systems, check all computers and make all necessary repairs and adjustments."
Then the Frenchman opened his envelope and found the following instructions:
"Feed the monkey."
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11-24-2006, 11:40 AM
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#767 | | Senior Member
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"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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11-24-2006, 02:13 PM
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#768 | | aka Dickcheese
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Washington State
Posts: 11,097
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11-24-2006, 02:39 PM
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#769 | | aka Dickcheese
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Washington State
Posts: 11,097
Country: | Quote:
Originally Posted by k9kiwi  A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.
The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.
...
"The circus?. That place with the big tent?. With all the animals? With the
big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck.
"That's right!", says the landlord.
The duck looks confused, "What the f**k would they want with a plasterer?" |
I laughed so damn hard I went into coughing fits. 
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"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if
they made a difference in the world. But, the [U.S.]
Marines don't have that problem."
-- Ronald Reagan Master of Duplicate Posts | |
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11-24-2006, 03:39 PM
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#770 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,388
Country: | Ten reasons to marry a female fighter pilot
I think the title says it all:
10. Don't have to spend hours in the mall looking for accessories. The life support shop provides everything she needs.
9. Arguments are a lot shorter because you both use acronyms to insult each other.
8. She insists on buying a stroller with a gold plated canopy and the baby's name and callsign stenciled on the side.
7. A conversation about boom vs probe-n-drogue refueling turns into a night of dirty talking.
6. Her occupation takes her from 0-600mph in 18 seconds.
5. She brings you souvenirs from deployments in the travel pod. Everything was frozen but its the thought that counts.
4. She looks gorgeous in an evening gown or in a flightsuit.
3. You would never be tempted to cheat because you know she can put a GBU-10 through the bedroom window.
2. If she ever shoots down an enemy jet, you can spend the next 10 years telling everyone you meet "That was my wife!"
And the number one reason to marry a female fighter pilot:
1. She followed you into the men's room at the bar.
__________________
"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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11-24-2006, 03:58 PM
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#771 | | World Traveler
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK
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Country:  | !!
__________________  "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
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11-24-2006, 09:25 PM
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#772 | | aka Dickcheese
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Washington State
Posts: 11,097
Country: | Quote:
Originally Posted by v2 I think the title says it all:
10. Don't have to spend hours in the mall looking for accessories. The life support shop provides everything she needs.
9. Arguments are a lot shorter because you both use acronyms to insult each other.
8. She insists on buying a stroller with a gold plated canopy and the baby's name and callsign stenciled on the side.
7. A conversation about boom vs probe-n-drogue refueling turns into a night of dirty talking.
6. Her occupation takes her from 0-600mph in 18 seconds.
5. She brings you souvenirs from deployments in the travel pod. Everything was frozen but its the thought that counts.
4. She looks gorgeous in an evening gown or in a flightsuit.
3. You would never be tempted to cheat because you know she can put a GBU-10 through the bedroom window.
2. If she ever shoots down an enemy jet, you can spend the next 10 years telling everyone you meet "That was my wife!"
And the number one reason to marry a female fighter pilot:
1. She followed you into the men's room at the bar. | Don't want to bust your balls v2, but you posted that one on Oct 8th. Still funny though.
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"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if
they made a difference in the world. But, the [U.S.]
Marines don't have that problem."
-- Ronald Reagan Master of Duplicate Posts | |
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11-24-2006, 11:57 PM
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#773 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Kiwi Land
Posts: 849
Country: | Jeez Matt
We will have to call you Lanc soon.
Thread Police.
Wasn't that a song by Cheap Trick?
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4 out of 5 voices in my head say I am normal. Majority rules.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. | |
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11-25-2006, 09:50 AM
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#774 | | aka Dickcheese
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Washington State
Posts: 11,097
Country: | Guilty as charged. Heck I should know better, for I have actually accused Lanc of the same. So apologies Lanc.
And for those familiar with the song...
Thread police! They live inside my head.
Thread police! They come to me in my bed.
Thread police! They're coming to arrest me. Oh no!
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"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if
they made a difference in the world. But, the [U.S.]
Marines don't have that problem."
-- Ronald Reagan Master of Duplicate Posts | |
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11-25-2006, 02:56 PM
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#775 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 7,332
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11-25-2006, 03:12 PM
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#776 | | aka Dickcheese
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Washington State
Posts: 11,097
Country: | The train cartoon.
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"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if
they made a difference in the world. But, the [U.S.]
Marines don't have that problem."
-- Ronald Reagan Master of Duplicate Posts | |
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11-25-2006, 03:16 PM
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#777 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,388
Country: |
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"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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11-25-2006, 03:28 PM
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#778 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,388
Country: | ...
__________________
"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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11-25-2006, 05:30 PM
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#779 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
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11-25-2006, 07:57 PM
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#780 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: George - South Africa
Posts: 2,658
Country:  | He he he....... Where do you guys get all of this ****?
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