Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3

[ToughOmbre]

Here's one for you Charles...

A sexy young maiden named Jill
tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
they found her vagina
in North Carolina
and bits of her tits in Brazil

TO

[ccheese]

That's good, TO. Here's one for you...

There once was a lady named Clare
Who was making love on the stair
But the bannister broke
So he hastened his stroke
And they both went off in mid-air !

Charles

[Gnomey]

[ToughOmbre]

For the old Navy man Charles...

There was a young sailor from Brighton,
Who said "****! Your hole is a tight one!"
Said the girl, "Shut your face!
"You're in the wrong place!
"There's plenty of room in the right one!"

(didn't mean to say "old")

TO

[ccheese]

Good one, TO. Here's my absolute favorite....

On s'étonne ici que Caliste
Ait pris l'habit de Moliniste
Puisque cette jeune beauté
Ote à chacun sa liberté
N'est-ce pas une Janseniste

Charles

[ToughOmbre]

Foreign language was my only weakness in school. Failed three of 'em at RU.

TO

[ccheese]

For you, TO..... translation:

What a surprise that Caliste
Should dress up as a Molinist,
For her beauty still
Takes away our free will:
Doesn't that make her a Jansenist?

You went to Rutgers?

Charles

[ToughOmbre]

Originally Posted by ccheese

For you, TO..... translation:

What a surprise that Caliste
Should dress up as a Molinist,
For her beauty still
Takes away our free will:
Doesn't that make her a Jansenist?

You went to Rutgers?

Charles

Thanks, now I get it. Yea, Rutgers class of 1971.

TO

[ccheese]

TO: I'm impressed. Here's another (old navy)

The cabin boy’s name was “Clipper”
As a lad he was always so chipper
He surounded his ass
With broken glass
And circumsized the skipper

Charles

[k9kiwi]

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea, one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted." Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail (the punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse). Looking around the
gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.

"Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark," came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, He set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted: "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed........."










(You're going to love this.....)




















"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian."

[ccheese]

That's good, K9kiwi !!

Charles

[v2]

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

[Les'Bride]

Good one, V2 and OUCH! @ Kiwi.

Charles,

There was a couple named Kelly,
they walked around belly to belly,
the reason was they used Super Glue,
instead of petroleum jelly.

[ccheese]

Just for you, TO....

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber eating a snack cake,
while her dad gets his hair cut. The barber says to
her, “Sweetheart, you’re going to get hair on your
Twinkie”. She says, “Yea, and I’m gonna get boobs,
too”.

Charles

[ccheese]

Does your cereal taste different ?

Charles