 | Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3| OFF-Topic / Misc. Discuss Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3 in the Current forums; ... |
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09-25-2007, 07:45 AM
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#181 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: my azz is in Mississippi, but, I am a true Texan.
Posts: 944
Country:  |
__________________  "I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it." - Voltaire
A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.
- Albert Einstein Life is tough..its even harder when you're stupid. -John Wayne | 
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09-25-2007, 11:28 AM
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#182 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: UK
Posts: 3,573
Country:  | "Roseanne reckons I've only got a 3 inch dick.
Well even a 747 looks small when it's flying in the Grand Canyon".
Tom Arnold after his divorce from Roseanne Barr | |
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09-27-2007, 04:35 PM
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#183 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 7,332
Country:  |  Trackend
The "Yerevan" radio broadcast said -
" At the Russian-Chinese borderline a small incident has occured.The Chinese recon patrol has opened fire to a Russian tractor ploughing the field.The tractor crew has responded with the laser fire and air missiles then flew away with the tractor to the base."
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09-28-2007, 02:41 PM
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#184 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,388
Country: |
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"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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09-28-2007, 03:01 PM
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#185 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 7,332
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09-29-2007, 04:26 PM
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#186 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Kiwi Land
Posts: 849
Country:  | So, it's this little lads birthday and his dad ask's him what he would like.
Well, I'd really like a tractor if you can find one, says the lad.
Comes the day and he gets his tractor, he plays with it all the time, really loves it.
Along comes the next birthday, and the next and the next until he's 21, every year the same, he wants a tractor By this time he's six foot six and weighs 450 pounds.
As he's about to become 21 his dad asks again what he would like, another tractor?
Well actually dad I'm getting sick of tractors, I'd like some CD's, DVD's or some book tokens.
Taken aback his dad says, OK, lets go to town and you can pick what you like.
As they walk down the street they see a commotion and as they get closer they see a house on fire and people are stuck upstairs.
The lad, seeing all the smoke, rushes to the house, opens his mouth and takes a big breath in.
This draws all the smoke and fumes out the house allowing the firemen to get in and rescue the family.
The fire chief come over to him and say's well done, but how did you do that? Oh that's easy, says the lad,
I'm a big extractor fan!
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4 out of 5 voices in my head say I am normal. Majority rules.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. | |
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10-01-2007, 08:06 AM
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#187 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 7,332
Country: | K9Kiwi
What is a difference between a fridge and a woman?
If you put something soft in a fridge you take something stiff out the one.
But what about a woman?
A woman shouldn't be connected to a plug.
What did you think about?
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Last edited by Wurger : 10-01-2007 at 08:10 AM.
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10-01-2007, 03:55 PM
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#188 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,388
Country: |
__________________
"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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10-06-2007, 01:30 PM
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#189 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,388
Country: | ...
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"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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10-06-2007, 04:27 PM
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#190 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 7,332
Country: |
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10-07-2007, 03:25 PM
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#191 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,388
Country: | A Scottish soldier in full ceremonial No.1 dress marches into a pharmacy to speak to the chemist.
The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square, which he also unfolds to reveal a condom.
The condom has a number of patches on it. He holds it up.
How much to repair it ?" the Scot asks the pharmacist.
"Six pence," says the pharmacist.
"How much for a new one ?"
"Ten pence."
The Scot folds the condom into the silk square and the cotton bandana, places it in his sporran and marches out the door of the pharmacy, kilt swinging.
A moment or two later a great shout goes up, followed by an even greater shout. The Scot walks back into the pharmacy, and again speaks to the pharmacist.
"The regiment has taken a vote," the Scot says, "We'll have a new one."
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"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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10-07-2007, 10:02 PM
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#192 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Kiwi Land
Posts: 849
Country: | A USMC squad was on patrol north of Fallujah when they came upon a badly injured insurgent. On the other side of the road was a badly injured Marine, who was conscious enough to tell the tale of the days events.
He stated, "I was scouting the road when I saw this armed insurgent coming south on the road. We both saw each other about the same time, and took cover in the ditches opposite of each other.
At that point, I yelled over to him and said "Saddam Hussein was an evil son of a bitch and got exactly what he deserved!"
The insurgent yelled "Oh ya? Ted Kennedy is a worthless liberal left wing drunk who doesn't know how to drive!!"
So I yelled back "Osama Bin Laden looks, dresses and acts like a mean spirited lesbian!"
And he yells "So does Hillary Clinton!!"
And there we were, in the middle of the road shaking hands when this truck came along and clobbered us...
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4 out of 5 voices in my head say I am normal. Majority rules.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. | |
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10-08-2007, 06:15 PM
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#193 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Queensland- Australia
Posts: 897
Country:  | 
good one kiwi
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98% Of teens surround their minds with rap. If you're part of the 2% that stayed with rock, put this on your signature
I am also one of the 2% who does not own a myspace account....
DEFY THE SYSTEM  | |
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10-08-2007, 09:59 PM
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#194 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Alexandria, MN. USA
Posts: 804
Country: | Quote:
Originally Posted by Aussie1001 
good one kiwi | DITTO!!!!!!
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10-09-2007, 11:06 AM
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#195 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 7,332
Country: | .Kiwi ,ten points in my five-points scale of sense of humor.
A woman went for shopping to a market.Looking for something interesting she noticed a guy who was selling something in jars.She approached to his stall and looked at a writing on a small card - "Mosquitos for sex - each one for 20$"
Excuse me - asked the woman -What for the mosquitos can be used?
For that what is written on the card - answered the guy.
Is it possible? - asked again the woman.
Certainly yes,I guarantee this.These mosquitos were training for two weeks and are ready for that.
So O.K. Can I have the one? - said customer and paid 20$.
Wait a minute - said the seller with a smile on his face - there is a warranty.If anything won't be right with the gnat call me,please.
The woman returned home.Then she undressed and took a shower.getting the bed she opened the jar with a mosquito.The insect jumped off and sat on a lamp at the ceiling.
Come on,come on - the woman encouraged the gnat. Unfortunately without any response of the mosquito.After 15 minutes the woman phoned the guy.
It is a dead loss - she shouted to a microphone.
Don't worry,I'm going.I'll be for ten minute - answered the guy.
Indeed,ten minutes later he rang the door-bell.
What is going on? - he asked.
What is going on - repeated the woman - NOTHING !!!! - she snapped.
O.K. get the bed,please - commanded the guy.And then he turned to the mosquito that still was sitting on the lamp.
Go ahead,go ahead- ordered but the gnat wasn't willing to move at all.
After ten minutes of encouragement he stopped this and doing up a belt at his trousers he said - Look, they got a two-weeks long training and I always have to finish it insted of them.
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Last edited by Wurger : 10-09-2007 at 02:00 PM.
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