 | Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3| OFF-Topic / Misc. Discuss Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3 in the Current forums; ... |
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12-04-2007, 06:24 PM
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#286 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 7,332
Country:  |
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12-06-2007, 08:11 AM
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#287 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: South Jersey, United States
Posts: 7,175
Country:  | Matt and K9, good ones! 
__________________ 
"If you can read this, thank a teacher. If it's English, thank a soldier!" | |
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12-06-2007, 10:14 AM
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#288 | | Older Than Dirt
Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Virginia Beach, Virginia
Posts: 5,297
Country: | Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt308  I have an uncle whose like that. | Drunk or funny ??
Charles
__________________  I can only please one person per day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow doesn't look good either.... | |
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12-11-2007, 02:30 PM
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#289 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Washington DC
Posts: 417
Country: | He's made a list
Santa Claus is coming to town...
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"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
-Benjamin Franklin | |
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12-11-2007, 06:31 PM
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#290 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Queensland- Australia
Posts: 897
Country:  | i like it
__________________ 
98% Of teens surround their minds with rap. If you're part of the 2% that stayed with rock, put this on your signature
I am also one of the 2% who does not own a myspace account....
DEFY THE SYSTEM  | |
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12-11-2007, 07:26 PM
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#291 | | aka Dickcheese
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Washington State
Posts: 11,097
Country: | Quote:
Originally Posted by ccheese Drunk or funny ??
Charles | Both
__________________ 
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if
they made a difference in the world. But, the [U.S.]
Marines don't have that problem."
-- Ronald Reagan Master of Duplicate Posts | |
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12-12-2007, 12:22 PM
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#292 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: my azz is in Mississippi, but, I am a true Texan.
Posts: 944
Country: | A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof" stores looking for a job. The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid said, "Sure, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to see how things went.
"How many sales did you make today?"
The young man replied without hesitating, "One."
The boss said, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid said, "$101,237.64."
The boss said, "$101,237.64?! What the hell did you sell?!"
The kid said, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Chris Craft. Of course he needed a new trailer. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that Dodge Ram 2500."
Amazed, the boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat, a trailer, and a truck?"
"No, he came here to buy a box of tampons for his wife. I told him, 'Well, your weekend’s shot, you might as well go fishing....'"
__________________  "I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it." - Voltaire
A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.
- Albert Einstein Life is tough..its even harder when you're stupid. -John Wayne | |
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12-12-2007, 02:11 PM
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#293 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 7,332
Country: | The joke sounds in English identically like in Polish.Still funy.
There the old one.
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12-12-2007, 02:43 PM
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#294 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: my azz is in Mississippi, but, I am a true Texan.
Posts: 944
Country: | Tis the Season
Top 12 signs that Santa is SICK of Christmas.
12 - Now relies on a quick Google image search to see if you've been naughty.
11 - Good, bad or on the fence -- *everyone* gets an AOL CD in their stocking this year.
10 - But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Yadda, yadda, yadda...."
9 - Sticker on sleigh: "How's my flying? Call 800-EAT-SUGARPLUMS"
8 - Former "Naughty/Nice" databases merged into a single "Whatever" database.
7 - Turns Ms. Claus out to work the corner next to the Salvation Army bell ringers.
6 - At midnight on Christmas Eve, gift certificates to Amazon.com magically appear in the e-mail in-boxes of good girls and boys.
5 - New policy this year: Only strippers allowed on his lap.
4 - Hey, kid -- them brown lumps in your stocking ain't coal!
3 - On his personal Christmas list: A George Foreman Grill and "The Ultimate Reindeer Cookbook."
2 - He's assigned numbers to all the countries on Earth and is doing the odd ones this year and the even ones next year.
and the Number 1 Sign Santa is Sick of Christmas...
This year's #1 stocking stuffers: Elf heads and Rudolph jerky
__________________ "I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it." - Voltaire
A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.
- Albert Einstein Life is tough..its even harder when you're stupid. -John Wayne | |
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12-12-2007, 03:26 PM
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#295 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,388
Country: | Dear Madam:
Thank you for your recent order from our sex toys website,
You've requested the extra large red vibrator as featured on our wall display.
Please select another item...... that's our fire extinguisher...
__________________ 
"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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12-12-2007, 03:44 PM
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#296 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: my azz is in Mississippi, but, I am a true Texan.
Posts: 944
Country: |
__________________ "I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it." - Voltaire
A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.
- Albert Einstein Life is tough..its even harder when you're stupid. -John Wayne | |
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12-13-2007, 08:38 AM
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#297 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 7,332
Country: |
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12-13-2007, 01:46 PM
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#298 | | World Traveler
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK
Posts: 11,751
Country:  |
__________________  "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
Sir Winston Churchill
"To him the People of the World Largely owe the Freedom and Liberties they Enjoy Today"
Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London
Moderator WW2 Talk: A WW2 Discussion Forum
My Photo Collections on Flickr
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12-13-2007, 10:25 PM
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#299 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: South Jersey, United States
Posts: 7,175
Country: |
__________________
"If you can read this, thank a teacher. If it's English, thank a soldier!" | |
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12-14-2007, 06:56 AM
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#300 | | World Traveler
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Royal Deeside/St Andrews, Scotland, UK
Posts: 11,751
Country: | True story:
Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.
At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.
Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'
From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet ...
'Well, ****in stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!'
__________________ "Success is not Final, Failure is not Fatal, it is the Courage to Continue that Counts"
Sir Winston Churchill
"To him the People of the World Largely owe the Freedom and Liberties they Enjoy Today"
Enscription on Hugh Dowding's (AOC Fighter Command 1936-40) statue in London
Moderator WW2 Talk: A WW2 Discussion Forum
My Photo Collections on Flickr
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