Quokes/Jotes... Continued! Chapter 3

[Wayne Little]

[Wayne Little]

A test to see who is your real friend!?

This really works!


If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.



Put your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.

When you open the boot, who is really happy to see you!

[Wurger]

[mkloby]

Originally Posted by Wayne Little

A test to see who is your real friend!?

This really works!


If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.



Put your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.

When you open the boot, who is really happy to see you!

The wife will shoot me with my own gun... the dog won't...

[Konigstiger205]

Great posts guys!

[v2]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?'

To which she replies, 'I think that you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son' s teacher.'

[Wayne Little]

Excellent V2!

[DOUGRD]

What is the difference between a "brown nose" and an "a-s kisser"?

Depth preception.

[Wayne Little]

[Njaco]

Its the time of the year for the Stupid Awards

EIGHTH PLACE:
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

SEVENTH PLACE:
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who “totally zoned when he ran,” accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

SIXTH PLACE:
Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA., but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

FIFTH PLACE:
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

FOURTH PLACE:
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del. , as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

THIRD PLACE: (THIS ONE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRST PLACE )
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers – firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, andfired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 5 0 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.

HONORABLE MENTION:
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ , and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:
TACOMA, WA. Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy saltwater and was rescued by two nearby fishermen "All I can say" said Bingham "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER...
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him " said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... "S __ t happens."

YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID...

[Matt308]

Sorry Njaco... My first indication was the Washington DC "gun shop"... no such thing. The city has banned all handguns, even in your own home. And long guns are banned from being loaded even your house.

Soooooo.... while funny...

[DOUGRD]

After numerous rounds of " We don't even know if Osama is still alive?" Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

President Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message. 370HSSV-O773H

President Bush was baffled so he sent it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down".

[Konigstiger205]

Great stuff Njaco and Dougrd

[Wayne Little]

Good stuff guys..

[Njaco]

Now that you said that Matt, I agree. It was an email but it still would be a great read in the newspaper!

Doug, thats Great!