Quokes/Jotes... Continued! Chapter 3

[DOUGRD]

Speaking of little Johnny.... Off to school he goes. His teacher, Miss Rumblebutte asks the class to come up with a sentence using the word "fascinate". Little Mary raises her hand first. Miss Rumblebutte says "go ahead Mary" Mary stands and says "We went to Disney World and it was fascinating." That was a good sentence using the word fascinating but the word I wanted used was "Fascinate". Billy jumps up next and says" My dad told me a story about planes and I was fascinated." "Very good use of the word fascinated Billy but I said "Fascinate" said Miss Rumblebutte. Little Johnny is almost bouncing out of his seat, waving his hand. Fearing the worst Miss Rumblebutte reluctantly calls on him. Little Johnny stands and says " My aunt Rosy has a red sweater with twelve buttons but because her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."

[Konigstiger205]

Funny stuff

[Wayne Little]

[syscom3]

This is good.

[Wurger]

[Wayne Little]

Good one!..

[DOUGRD]

THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK:
1 I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

2 I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

3 How about never? Is never good for you?

4 I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5 I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6 I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7 I'm out of my mind, but please feel free to leave a message.

8 I don't work here, I'm a consultant.

9 It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10 Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

11 I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a dam*

12 I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

13 Thank you. We're challenged by your unique point of view.

14 Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

15 What am I? Flypaper for freaks!

16 I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

17 And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

18 Do I look like a people person?

19 This isn't an office, it's HELL with fluorescent lighting.

20 Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

21 If I throw a stick will you leave?

22 Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

23 I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

24 A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

25 Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

26 Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

27 Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

28 Chaos, panic, and disorder...my work here is done.

29 Who lit the fuse on your Tampon?

30 Oh I get it...like humor, but different.

[DOUGRD]

Q: How do you get Holy Water?
A: You boil the Hell out of it.

Q: What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
A: DAM!

Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick.

Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho Cheese.

Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses.

Q: What do you call four bull fighters in quick sand?
A: Quatro Sinko

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frost bite.

Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.

Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left him.

Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers.

Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A: It scares the hell out of the dog.

Q: What kind of coffee did they serve on the Titanic?
A: Sanka.

Q: What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A: The location of the dirt bag.

Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?
A: A bad golfer goes whack, DAM*!
A bad sky diver goes DAM*, whack!

Q: What do you call sky diving lawyers?
A: Skeet.

Q: What goes clop, clop, clop, BANG, BANG, clop, clop, clop?
A: An Amish drive-by shooting.

Q: What does a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce have in common?
A: Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

[Wayne Little]

[Konigstiger205]

[Njaco]

[hurricanemk2]

Sorry if this one's on here but it made me chuckle :

Little Billy and little Sarah are walking home from school when Billy needs to take a p*ss . So off he goes behind a tree and gets down to what needs doing .
Suddenly little Sarah comes round , looks at his tool and says :
" My dad's got 2 of those . "
Little Billy looks at her and says
" He cant have I've only got one . "
Sarah says
" Listen here Billy I'm telling you my dad's got 2 of those . "
Billy looks at her and says
" He can't have 2 , i've only got one and my dad's only got one . How the hell can your dad have 2 ! "
Little Sarah says
" Easy , a little one for p*ssing with and a big one for cleaning Mummy's teeth ! "

OK lame I know but thats cutting edge humour in Wales .

[Lucky13]

LMAO!

[Wurger]

[A4K]

...and love those 'camel toads',Syscom...!