Quokes/Jotes... Continued! Chapter 3

[v2]

Married Life
Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you...then we made love all night long.'

The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild love all night.'

The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV remote and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'

[hurricanemk2]

A man driving through London gets caught up in a traffic jam . As he waits for the traffic to move on a man comes up and knocks on his window . So he winds it down and says :
" Whats up ? bad rta is it ? "
The other fella says :
" No , it's just come over the radio that terrorists have kidnapped George W Bush and Tony Blair , and if they don't get $ 100 million as a ransom they're going to douse them with gas and set fire to them . So we're having a collection! "
The driver says :
" Thats terrible , how much are people giving ? "
And the man says :
" Oh about a gallon ! "

[A4K]

Great ones guys!


"What is bigamy? - It is having one wife too many.
What is monogamy? - The same"

- Oscar Wilde

[Wayne Little]

Excellent...

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into
the limo, and he doesn't travel light, the driver notices
that the Pope is still standing on the kerb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver,

'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive
at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!
And what if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

'There might be something extra in it for you,' says
the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind
the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting
the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!' pleads the worried driver, but the
Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. 'Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license,' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a
limo going a hundred and five.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that - he's really important,' said the
cop.

The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop.

The Chief then asked, 'Who have you got there, the Mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'Governor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'Who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

Chief: 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'He's got the bl**dy Pope as a chauffeur!'

[A4K]

So that one made it down under..! I'd only heard it in Hungarian before now!

[DOUGRD]

[hurricanemk2]

Old fella walking through the mall in his home town is shocked to see a punk rocker with a yellow , red , blue , green , mauve and black mohican coming towards him .
The punk meets his stare and shouts :
" What's up with you , you old fart ? Never done anything wild in your sad life ? "
The old chat looks at him and replies :
" Well I once f*cked a Peacock when I was in the army ."
" And , so what ! " Shouts the punk .
And the old fella says :
" I was wondering if you were my son ."

[hurricanemk2]

loving the pope gag .

[Wayne Little]

[v2]

A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan..."

[syscom3]

New Towns in Iraqi
Now that Uncle Sam has come to Iraq and reorganized the landscape (courtesy of B-1's, B-2's, B-52's, TLAMs, F-14's, F-15's, F-16's, F/A-18's, Tornados, Harriers, F-117's, and field artillery), the idigenous population has renamed some of their towns. These new names include:
*Wherz-Myroof
*Mykamel-Izded
*OKraph-Dissizbad
*Waddi-El-Izgowinon
*Pleez-Ztopdibomin
*Kizz-Yerbuht-Goodbi
*Ikantstan-Disnomore
*Wha-tin HelWazi Tinkin
*Myturbin-Izburnin

Army Fashion
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured an English officer. He was taken to their headquarters, where the French general began to question him.
"Tell me," the General asked, "why do you English wear red coats? Don't you know the red color makes you easy targets for us to shoot at?"
In his bland English way the captured officer informed the general that English officers wore red coats so that if they were shot, the blood wouldn't show and the men they were leading wouldn't panic.
Which is why, even today, French Army officers wear brown pants.

[Wayne Little]

Nice Sys....

[wilbur1]

Good ones sys! brown pants ha

[Matt308]

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him...









Sum Ting Wong

[DOUGRD]

Syscom ..."French Army Fashion"

MATT...Ditto!!!