Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3

[erikhartmann ftw]

Q. Whats the fastest thing in the world?

A. An Ethiopian with a Macdonald's voucher.

Q. Whats the second fastest thing in the world?

A. His little brother chasing after him.

[Wayne Little]

Trainee On his first day on the job, the trainee dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Get me a F***ING cup of coffee, quickly !"

The voice from the other side responded:

"You fool, you've dialled the wrong extension ! Do you know who you're talking to ?" "No," replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, idiot !"

The trainee shouted back : "And do you know who YOU are F***ING talking to, you F***ING idiot ?"

"No !" replied the Managing Director indignantly

"Thank F**K for that !" replied the trainee and slammed down the phone

[wilbur1]

Good ones

[RabidAlien]

What's the fastest animal in the world?

Ethopian chicken.

[Wurger]

No, the fastes animal in all the world is a cheetah.

And what's the fastest bird in the wolrd?

The cheetah's one

[v2]

A redneck family from the hills of Arkansas was visiting the city, and they were in the mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart, and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'Paw, what's at?
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life. I ain't got no idea'r what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, Boy........go gitcha momma.'

[RabidAlien]

[Gnomey]

[Wurger]

[Wayne Little]

Nice!

[Matt308]

JUST WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the

Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.




NOW when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.




Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

[Gnomey]

[RabidAlien]

[Bucksnort101]

Don't forget Jack Schitt's sister Tayka.

[Matt308]

Or her angry Afghani brother, Hoogifsa.