 | Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3| OFF-Topic / Misc. Discuss Quokes/Jokes... Continued! Chapter 3 in the Current forums; A blonde, June, goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the ... |
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10-09-2008, 04:49 AM
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#1306 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,388
Country:  | A blonde, June, goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs. The sign says: 'SEX FROGS' Only $20 each! Comes with 'complete' instructions.
The girl, excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!' As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!'
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down in between your legs, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do. She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise... NOTHING happens!
The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions . please call the pet store. So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.
Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'
The man... looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says: LISTEN TO ME! I'm only going to show you how to do this ONLY ONE.. MORE... TIME!
__________________ 
"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | 
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10-09-2008, 05:15 AM
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#1307 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: 106sqn, Far North Queensland, Australia
Posts: 313
Country:  | lmbo mate freakin hilarious
__________________  They say there's no such place... as Paradise, but i found it in your eyes | |
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10-09-2008, 06:40 AM
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#1308 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Adelaide Sth. Aust.
Posts: 5,818
Country: |
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10-09-2008, 07:57 AM
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#1309 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Hurst, Texas
Posts: 854
Country:  |
__________________  Pillage, then burn.
Argue not with dragons, for thou art crunchy and go well on toast. | |
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10-09-2008, 11:24 AM
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#1310 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: nr middlesbrough uk
Posts: 942
Country:  | during the battle for france 1940 a french army is marching along a road, they see a german soldier atop a hill taunting them "you six men go sort him out" order's a general.
off they go over the never to return, but the german does "A company go get him" order's the general, off they go, never seen again.
the german appears once more, the general orders his whole army up the hill to attack the german soldier, after 3 hours a lone beat up french private staggers back over the hill, salutes the general and say's "mon general it was a trap there was two of them"
__________________  "We're not easily frightened.
Also we know how hard it is for an army to cross the Channel — the last little corporal to try it came a cropper.
So don't threaten or dictate to us until you're marching up Whitehall! ...and even then we won't listen!"
quote from B.O.B movie | |
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10-09-2008, 01:03 PM
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#1311 | | Siggy Master
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Poland
Posts: 7,332
Country: |
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10-10-2008, 08:12 AM
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#1312 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Adelaide Sth. Aust.
Posts: 5,818
Country: | 
HOW TO BATHE A CAT
1. Thoroughly clean toilet.
2. Lift both lids and add shampoo.
3. Find and soothe cat as you carry him to bathroom.
4. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both lids and stand on top, so the cat cannot escape.
5. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds. (Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this).
6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which is quite effective.
7. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet as possible and quickly lift both lids.
8. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors, where he will air dry.
Sincerely,
The Dog
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10-10-2008, 08:29 AM
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#1313 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Hurst, Texas
Posts: 854
Country: |
__________________ Pillage, then burn.
Argue not with dragons, for thou art crunchy and go well on toast. | |
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10-10-2008, 02:19 PM
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#1314 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,519
Country:  | Brilliant!!! | |
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10-10-2008, 03:53 PM
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#1315 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Des Moines, Iowa. United States
Posts: 418
Country: | Ed and Dorothy met while on vacation and Ed fell head over heels in
'Like' With her.
But after a couple of weeks wherein Ed took Dorothy out to various dance
clubs, restaurants, concerts, etc., he was convinced that it was true love.
And so....on the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to
dinner and had a serious talk about how the relationship would continue.
'It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut,' Ed said to his
newfound lady friend.
'I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that's going to be a problem,
you'd better say so now!'
Dorothy took a deep breath and responded: 'Since we're being honest with
each other, here goes ... you need to know that I'm a hooker.'
'I see,' Ed replied, looked down at the table, and was quiet for a
moment, deep in thought...
Then he added, 'You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your
wrists straight when you tee off.
__________________ Bryon O. 
“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.”
--Groucho Marx. | |
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10-10-2008, 08:07 PM
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#1316 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Hurst, Texas
Posts: 854
Country: | To help you better understand the financial crisis in which our
>> country finds itself, I have attempted to put it in terms common
people,
>> like you and me, can easily understand.....
>>
>> If you had purchased $1,000 worth of shares in Delta Airlines one
>> year ago, you would have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000
worth
>> of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today. If you had
>> purchased $1,000 worth of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you
>> would have $0.00 today.
>>
>> But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank
>> all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for a recycling refund,
>> you would have received $214.00. Based on the above, the best current
>> investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the
401-Keg.
>> A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a
>> year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons
>> of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41
>> miles to the gallon!
>>
>> Makes you proud to be an American!
__________________ Pillage, then burn.
Argue not with dragons, for thou art crunchy and go well on toast. | |
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10-10-2008, 10:12 PM
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#1317 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Edmonton
Posts: 1,643
Country:  | Hahaha, very nice!
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10-11-2008, 07:29 AM
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#1318 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Adelaide Sth. Aust.
Posts: 5,818
Country: |
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10-13-2008, 04:38 PM
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#1319 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Cracow
Posts: 3,388
Country: | FOOTBALL AND THE BLONDE…
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'
Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'
'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like.... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!
__________________
"A good fighter pilot, like a good boxer, should have a knockout punch..... You will find one attack you prefer to all others. Work on it till you can do it to perfection... then use it whenever possible." - Captain Reade Tilley, USAAF 7 Victories, WW-II - | |
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10-13-2008, 04:44 PM
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#1320 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,969
Country: | A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man, standing alone.
She approached him, 'My name is Carmen,' she told him.
'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'
'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -- Cars and Men.'
'What's your name?' she asked.
He replied, 'B.J. Titsenbeer'
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