|
| |||||||
| OFF-Topic / Misc. A place to go to discuss things totally unrelated to this site |
 |
| | LinkBack | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
09-27-2006, 11:27 AM
| #1 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 10,277
| Todays comedy. OK, something to lighten up all of us. These are the winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest run by the Washington Post:  He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (Joseph Romm, Washington) She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station) The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield) McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring) From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Roy Ashley, Washington) Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge) Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. (Russell Beland, Springfield) Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung=20 by mistake. (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills) Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (Unknown) He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase) The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring) Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man." (Russell Beland, Springfield) Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington) The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.) They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.) John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. (Russell Beland, Springfield) The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria) His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
__________________ "Pilot to copilot..... what are those mountain goats doing up here in the clouds?" |
|         |
|
09-27-2006, 12:18 PM
| #2 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 19,945
 | quite what was wrong with the joke thread for this i don't know but they're good all the same.........
__________________  "Reminds me of the time I sank the Tirpitz" comments a Spitfire pilot, "One pass of course, old boy." |
|
| |
|
09-27-2006, 01:09 PM
| #3 |
| aka Dickcheese   Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Washington State
Posts: 13,382
| Now Lanc...there you go again. 
__________________  "Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the [U.S.] Marines don't have that problem." -- Ronald Reagan Master of Duplicate Posts |
|
| |
|
09-27-2006, 03:21 PM
| #4 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: WSM, England
Posts: 20,387
 | They're the sort of things I would use  People dont expect too much from me though so it doesnt really matter....I can be good when I want to.Whats the point of me saying all that? There isnt one...Digging a hole...Hey I found oil! |
|
| |
|
10-01-2006, 03:53 PM
| #5 |
| Der Crewchief  Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Ansbach, Germany
Posts: 33,152
|
__________________  fly boy:"isnt that the first jet bomber becasue i have flown one in a flight sim before and i know how it handles"[/I] |
|
| |
|
10-02-2006, 02:14 AM
| #6 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 10,277
| HEALTH Q&A SESSION HEALTH Q&A SESSION Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good! Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy?! HELLO cocoa beans! Another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? A: 'Round' is a shape. Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"
__________________ "Pilot to copilot..... what are those mountain goats doing up here in the clouds?" |
|
| |
|
10-02-2006, 02:28 AM
| #7 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 366
| OK muscles are manly, but the manliness is completely negated and even makes you more of a woman when wearing leopard skin PERIOD!
__________________ Corporal: "Hmm. it's quiet. too quiet." BANG! Same Corporal: "Now it's suddenly too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet." |
|
| |
|
10-02-2006, 05:00 PM
| #8 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 19,945
| haha, some good answers there
__________________ "Reminds me of the time I sank the Tirpitz" comments a Spitfire pilot, "One pass of course, old boy." |
|
| |
|
10-03-2006, 06:37 PM
| #9 |
| Der Crewchief Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Ansbach, Germany
Posts: 33,152
| Yeah I liked the Health Q&A.
__________________ fly boy:"isnt that the first jet bomber becasue i have flown one in a flight sim before and i know how it handles"[/I] |
|
| |
|
10-15-2006, 01:50 AM
| #10 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 10,277
| Total Loss of Situational Awareness Figures its the midshipmen messing up!
__________________ "Pilot to copilot..... what are those mountain goats doing up here in the clouds?" |
|
| |
|
10-16-2006, 01:28 PM
| #11 |
| Der Crewchief Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Ansbach, Germany
Posts: 33,152
| Ha that is funny!
__________________ fly boy:"isnt that the first jet bomber becasue i have flown one in a flight sim before and i know how it handles"[/I] |
|
| |
|
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
| |
Similar Threads | ||||
| Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
| Today's greatest Ace? | FLYBOYJ | Post-War | 59 | 02-27-2008 04:53 PM |
| How todays media would report D-Day | R988 | OFF-Topic / Misc. | 3 | 08-03-2006 05:55 PM |
| If today's press reported on The Normandy Invasion | evangilder | OFF-Topic / Misc. | 7 | 02-10-2006 07:55 PM |
| Today's clips - low-level action & Kitten | Royzee617 | Aviation Videos | 2 | 08-21-2005 04:26 AM |
| Comedy Clips No. 1 - MPFC Bicycle Repairman | Royzee617 | OFF-Topic / Misc. | 7 | 07-01-2005 11:44 AM |
Linear Mode
