Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!

[Wildcat]

Really?! I guessed it was fake! In that case it is damn funny.

Nope it's real, IIRC the crew were even grounded. There's also a pic taken from a refueling a/c of a RAAF F111 Nav reading a penthouse magazine. Probably on the net somewhere..

[Pisis]

Hehe

[v2]

Carrier landings

Any naval aviator will tell you that landing a plane on an aircraft carrier is the most dangerous thing to do. First you've got to find an airport that is moving from place to place all the time. Then you've got to line up on a landing strip that is (a) too short, and (b) bouncing up and down. Not only do you have to remember to lower your landing gear, you've also got to lower a hook which is designed to catch the cables that they've strung across the deck (think of putting on the brakes in your car by leaning out the window and grabbing a telephone pole). And to put the icing on the cake, you've got apply full throttle just before you land so that if your hook misses those cables, maybe - just maybe - you will have enough power to take off instead of falling over the side and going splat.

The operations center was holding its collective breath as a rookie pilot was on final approach for his first carrier landing. The flight path looked good, speed looked good, down comes the landing gear, down comes the hook... Oh no, he missed all four arresting cables! The plane disappears from view as it shoots off the end of the runway and drops over the bow. The operations center personnel quickly start recovery procedures, calling in the helicopters to make the pickup -- if there's anything left to pickup.

To their amazement, just then the plane reappears! There it is -- skimming the wavetops as it begins to gather speed. The radio crackles as the pilot announces, "OK, Lord. I can take it from here..."

[Matt308]

MD's have more fun ! ! !


1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. >Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, >>Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!................
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Doctor wouldn't submit his name...........

[the lancaster kicks ass]

no. 6 is the best, no. 7 has to be made up........

[Matt308]

I thought that too. The fool could lose his job over shenanigans like that.

[Gnomey]

You never know it might be true...

[Matt308]

...and thus the invention of the "funny".

[v2]

.....

[Matt308]

I hate fake breasts. And she has a lot of them.

[Wurger]

Big headlights.Not impressive.

[k9kiwi]

GET A LIFE.

If she told you she was a "Dora" series 190, you would blow your load in her passing shadow.

[Matt308]

Yep

[the lancaster kicks ass]

-190D ugh whilst natural does look better who here would actually say no on the grounds they're fake?

[Matt308]

Me