| Some engine humor
DEDICATED TO ALL THOSE WHO FLEW BEHIND
ROUND ENGINES...not those skinny turbines or inline piston engines
a courtesy of Frank Hannegan
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We gotta get rid of those turbines, they're ruining
aviation and our hearing...
A turbine is too simple minded, it has no mystery.
The air travels through it in a straight line and doesn't pick
up any of the pungent fragrance of engine oil or pilot sweat.
Anybody can start a turbine. You just need to move a
switch from 'OFF' to 'START' and then remember to move
it back to 'ON' after a while. My PC is harder to start.
Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style.
You have to seduce it into starting. It's like waking up a horny
mistress. On some planes, the pilots aren't even allowed to do it...
Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a lady-like poof
and start whining a little louder.
Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG,
more rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more
clicks, a lot more smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar.
We like that. It's a GUY thing...
When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged
and you can concentrate on the flight ahead.
Starting a turbine is like flicking on a ceiling fan:
Useful, but, hardly exciting
When you have started his round engine successfully your
crew chief looks up at you like he'd let you kiss his girl too!
Turbines don't break or catch fire often enough, leading to
aircrew boredom, complacency and inattention.
A round engine at speed looks and sounds like it's going
to blow any minute. This helps concentrate the mind!
Turbines don't have enough control levers or gauges to
keep a pilot's attention.
There's nothing to fiddle with during long flights.
Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman
Lamps.
Round engines smell like God intended machines to smell.
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"Pilot to copilot..... what are those mountain goats doing up here in the clouds?" | 
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