Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

[Wayne Little]

I'm exhausted now Andy....

 

[Wurger]

Yep... now I'm about to get a heart attack. I hope the glass of wine will save my life.

 

[gumbyk]

CAR PARK SCAM - BEWARE!
Over the last month I have become a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam whilst out shopping.
Simply dropping into Countdown supermarket for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends! Here's how the scam works:
Two very good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T- shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead they ask you for a lift to another supermarket, in my case, Pak and save. You agree and they both get in the back seat.
On the way there, they start undressing, until both are completely naked. Then, when you pull over to check them out(among other things), one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, touching you intimately and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet stolen on October 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. Also on November 1st, 4th, 6th, 10th and twice yesterday. Im off to do some shopping shortly so i will inform you all if the scammers are still out there
So please warn all the older men you know to be on the lookout for this scam. The best times seem to be just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.
P.S. The warehouse have cheap wallets on sale for $1.99 each but Farmers wallets are $2.75 and look better!!

 

[vikingBerserker]

LMAO

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Wayne Little]

Awesome. going to New Zealand!

 

[Wurger]

 

[v2]

AN IRISHMAN'S FIRST DRINK WITH HIS SON

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons,

and memories came flooding back of the time


I took my son out for his first drink..

Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.

I got him a Miller Genuine. He didn't like it - so I drank it.

Then I got him an Old Style, he didn't like it either, so I drank it.

It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.

By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey,

I could hardly push the stroller back home...

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Crimea_River]

 

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

Critical Thinking At Its Best!


Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man:

Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:

How much do you pay per beer?

Man:

$5.00 which includes a tip
(This is where it gets scary !)

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No
Man: Where's your Ferrari?

 

[Wurger]

 

[v2]

What about such Security check?

 

[Gnomey]

 

[A4K]

Don't know where she's going, but give me a ticket !!!!

 

[Airframes]

I'll carry her bags, and buy the tickets !

 

[Wurger]

Too heavy Terry , you wouldn't manage to lift.

 

[at6]

I'd like to play Dr. and give her a full body exam. Sorry Gnomey, real medical exams don't count.

 

[Wayne Little]