the lancaster kicks ass
Major General
- 19,937
- Dec 20, 2003
Genuinely didn't see that coming, very good!
Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)
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the lancaster kicks ass
Major General
- 19,937
- Dec 20, 2003
She was only a road mender's daughter, but she certainly liked her ass-felt...
ToughOmbre
Senior Master Sergeant
THE TAVERN
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring him another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long, but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home.
TO
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring him another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long, but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home.
TO
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
the lancaster kicks ass
Major General
- 19,937
- Dec 20, 2003
A boy was curious about war so asked his granddad what he did in WWII, he said 'I did illustrations for the press, I caught the doodle-bug'
He then asked his dad what he did in Vietnam, he replied 'I would predict if a soldier would die a horrible, fiery death- I was a na-palm reader'
He then asked his dad what he did in Vietnam, he replied 'I would predict if a soldier would die a horrible, fiery death- I was a na-palm reader'
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
AND he didn't spill a drop in all the commotion!!
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
"The bitterest tear shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone"
An attractive young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father.
Next!"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father.
Next!"
Crimea_River
Marshal
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO!
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
