Quotes and Jokes
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"Young man," said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant. "It's alcohol and alcohol alone that's responsible for your present sorry state!" "I'm glad to hear you say that," replied Murphy, with a sigh of relief. "Everybody else says it's all my fault!"
Crimea_River
Marshal
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
A coach full of Paddy's are on a mystery tour and decide to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going.
The driver won £52!!!
The driver won £52!!!
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Everyone else must have been blond.
at6
1st Sergeant
A man walks into a pet shop. As he passes a Parrot says "Polly wants a cracker". He looks over and says, "stupid bird". The Parrot looked at him and said "Oh yeah? Let's see you eat with your pecker!"
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
at6
1st Sergeant
A gay man falls overboard on a cruise. He's screaming "Help, help I can't swim. A group of passengers throw a ring with a rope to him and yell," Grab the buoy, grab the buoy". He screams back," This is no time for sex I'm drowning"!
michaelmaltby
Colonel
A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.
> There is a hush within the congregation. No one wanted him to leave
> Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and Proclaims,
> .. 'If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'
> The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, 'If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!'
> More sighs and loud applause.
> Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Preacher stays, .... I will give him sex!'
> There is total silence.
> The Preacher, blushing, asks her, 'Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?'
> Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replied,
> 'Well , I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said......
'Screw him!'
> There is a hush within the congregation. No one wanted him to leave
> Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and Proclaims,
> .. 'If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'
> The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, 'If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!'
> More sighs and loud applause.
> Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Preacher stays, .... I will give him sex!'
> There is total silence.
> The Preacher, blushing, asks her, 'Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?'
> Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replied,
> 'Well , I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said......
'Screw him!'
at6
1st Sergeant
