Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)
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I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business
and patiently waiting
for it to turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of
bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half
burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a "
Remember 9-11" slogan
spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah!" and took off before
the light changed.
Out of nowhere, an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection
and ran directly
over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man....that
could have been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
and patiently waiting
for it to turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of
bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half
burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a "
Remember 9-11" slogan
spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah!" and took off before
the light changed.
Out of nowhere, an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection
and ran directly
over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man....that
could have been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Oh dam -
Oh here is another one got posted on another site hilarious about 1.5minutes long
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdIi7Kd9Ico
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdIi7Kd9Ico
A guy walks into a bar in West Virginia and orders a white wine.
All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up from their
beer and whiskey, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.
The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada ."
The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada ?"
The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in the hell is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?"
"No," says the Canadian "I don't drive a taxi, I mount animals."
The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us."
All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up from their
beer and whiskey, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.
The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada ."
The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada ?"
The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in the hell is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?"
"No," says the Canadian "I don't drive a taxi, I mount animals."
The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us."
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
I laughed after I crossed my legs!
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Youuuuuuuuuuu keep thinkin' that!
michaelmaltby
Colonel
BIOLOGY EXAM:
This is straight from Scotland. Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'. The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck.
Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he quickly wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an A.
This is straight from Scotland. Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'. The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck.
Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he quickly wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an A.
