Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Luckily enough, our hero doesn't need that....
Get Lucky!
- Thread starter Njaco
- Start date
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wilbur1
Tech Sergeant
Well thats true, alot of women say it doesnt work for them
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
How do YOU know that, hmmmm?
- Thread starter
- #164
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
I was one of the first passengers on the plane and plopped into my seat with a groan. I had chosen a seat off the wing with a window, close to the exit door. I wanted some way off if things went haywire. The plane started to fill with passengers and I was wondering where they all came from? Did a ferry just let off? There were your typical tourists and some business types and a bloody whole rugby team. Everbody took their time getting seated and there was alot of milling about when one of the stewardesses shouted, with a voice that could peel paint,
"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!" .
Everyone quickly took their seats including one fat b*stard that had to sit behind me with what I hoped was his knee in the back of my chair. He was the fattest thing I've ever seen and I've been on safari. Just as I was about to get writer's block, the head stewardess spoke up.
"Welcome aboard Suckling Airways Flight 245 to Campbelltown... I'm Cindy and I'll be your hostess for this flight. A few things to remind you if you haven't flown before. As we will be flying over water, your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments. No touching the stewardesses and fill out the forms in the back if you want to speak to the Captain. Thank you for flying Suckling Airways!"
I tried to get comfortable in my chair as we took off from that rat-bag airport and the stewardesses started to bring out snacks and drinks. I hadn't eaten since....well, awhile, so I checked out the menu. Everything was cooked, baked, smothered, BBQ'd, burnt and pickled in vegemite! What the blazes is a Deep Fried Vegemite Cupcake with Mustard!?! What the h*ll is a vegemite?! Sounded like something that would explode in your stomache! I passed on the food and decided that maybe I could get into the bathroom. I still had to take the dragon for a walk and I wasn't smelling too good at the moment.
As I got up from my seat, I glanced out the window. What I saw stopped me in my tracks!
"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!" .
Everyone quickly took their seats including one fat b*stard that had to sit behind me with what I hoped was his knee in the back of my chair. He was the fattest thing I've ever seen and I've been on safari. Just as I was about to get writer's block, the head stewardess spoke up.
"Welcome aboard Suckling Airways Flight 245 to Campbelltown... I'm Cindy and I'll be your hostess for this flight. A few things to remind you if you haven't flown before. As we will be flying over water, your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments. No touching the stewardesses and fill out the forms in the back if you want to speak to the Captain. Thank you for flying Suckling Airways!"
I tried to get comfortable in my chair as we took off from that rat-bag airport and the stewardesses started to bring out snacks and drinks. I hadn't eaten since....well, awhile, so I checked out the menu. Everything was cooked, baked, smothered, BBQ'd, burnt and pickled in vegemite! What the blazes is a Deep Fried Vegemite Cupcake with Mustard!?! What the h*ll is a vegemite?! Sounded like something that would explode in your stomache! I passed on the food and decided that maybe I could get into the bathroom. I still had to take the dragon for a walk and I wasn't smelling too good at the moment.
As I got up from my seat, I glanced out the window. What I saw stopped me in my tracks!
Attachments
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
This is gonna hurt....
Matt308
Glock Perfection
What about the dragon? What about the dragon!?
Catch22
Major
Haha this is great!
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Are we chasing dragons now....??
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Is this your "thinking" chair?
lesofprimus
Brigadier General
LMAO, baby stroller par excellance...
- Thread starter
- #171
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
Forget Lucky! Forget the girls! Forget my bladder! Forget Dumbledore behind me with his knee!
As I had gotten up from my seat, going to the head, I happen to glance out the window. What I saw made me freeze! I moved my face closer to the round little window.
Something was on the wing!
It was near the engine and looked like a cross between Alf and Rush Limbaugh. Crouching and moving I could see it had a good grip on the wing and flossed teeth. I quickly returned to my seat and stared out the window, bringing my face closer to the glass to get a better look. It was still there and it seemed to have an interest in the engine. I could see as it pulled out a Sharpee and started scribbling around the engine cowling. Just as I was hoping that the glass was thick enough to keep it from me, it turned, looked straight at me and smiled.
I quickly shut the window door and started to sweat. What the h*ll was that? How was it staying on the wing? Did OJ really do it? Seeing one of the stewardesses nearby, I motioned her over. She and her smile floated over and in a squeaky voice asked, "Can I help you, sir?"
"There's something on the wing." I said.
"Yes, its called an engine. Its there all the time and theres another on the other side." she repiled.
"No, no, no! Some sort of creature."
"Maybe we hit a bird. They can be rather messy and you really can't eat them afterwards. May I bring you a lager?"
"You're not listening, " I said, as I could feel the panic rising in my throat. At least I hoped it was panic.
"There is some sort of alien creature, hoping around on the wing of the plane. Its not falling off." I sputtered.
"Oh," she said, "well that is different. Lets take a look." and she lifted the window door to look at the wing.
It was gone.
"I don't see anything, sir." she said and I could tell by the tone of her voice that in her mind I was the only genius with an IQ of 60.
"It was right there!", I said, "Look at the grafitti!!" I pointed to the engine.
"That could be instructions for the maintenance crew. They're always losing their manuals, you know." she said and started to straighten up from the window.
"Its not instructions, you idiot!" I said, my voice rising, "It was writing something on the engine! There is something on the wing and we need to land...now!!"
She leaned down close to me. "If you don't stop shouting, I'll have to call security and we don't want that to happen, do we?" she said.
I was speechless for once. Closing the window door, she continued.
"Now, I'll bring you a nice, warm lager and a happy pill and everything will be better. And we'll check the plane out when we land. Ok?"
I ignored her, staring straight at the back of the seat in front of me. As she turned to go, I could hear Orson Welles behind me whisper to her.
"Is there anything I can help with, miss? I'm a Forum Thread Detective and I can help if this thread gets out of control." he said.
"No, no, the passenger in front of you thought he saw something on the wing. But its ok now." she replied.
I smiled. Like Butterball could quickly get out of that seat without the aid of a whole jar of vaseline. I had no threat from him. But out the window was another matter. Did I really see something? Do I need glasses? Did I pay my electric bill last month? These thoughts ran through my head as I reached for the window door. Gripping the handle with my sweaty hand I yanked the door up and looked out the window.
As I had gotten up from my seat, going to the head, I happen to glance out the window. What I saw made me freeze! I moved my face closer to the round little window.
Something was on the wing!
It was near the engine and looked like a cross between Alf and Rush Limbaugh. Crouching and moving I could see it had a good grip on the wing and flossed teeth. I quickly returned to my seat and stared out the window, bringing my face closer to the glass to get a better look. It was still there and it seemed to have an interest in the engine. I could see as it pulled out a Sharpee and started scribbling around the engine cowling. Just as I was hoping that the glass was thick enough to keep it from me, it turned, looked straight at me and smiled.
I quickly shut the window door and started to sweat. What the h*ll was that? How was it staying on the wing? Did OJ really do it? Seeing one of the stewardesses nearby, I motioned her over. She and her smile floated over and in a squeaky voice asked, "Can I help you, sir?"
"There's something on the wing." I said.
"Yes, its called an engine. Its there all the time and theres another on the other side." she repiled.
"No, no, no! Some sort of creature."
"Maybe we hit a bird. They can be rather messy and you really can't eat them afterwards. May I bring you a lager?"
"You're not listening, " I said, as I could feel the panic rising in my throat. At least I hoped it was panic.
"There is some sort of alien creature, hoping around on the wing of the plane. Its not falling off." I sputtered.
"Oh," she said, "well that is different. Lets take a look." and she lifted the window door to look at the wing.
It was gone.
"I don't see anything, sir." she said and I could tell by the tone of her voice that in her mind I was the only genius with an IQ of 60.
"It was right there!", I said, "Look at the grafitti!!" I pointed to the engine.
"That could be instructions for the maintenance crew. They're always losing their manuals, you know." she said and started to straighten up from the window.
"Its not instructions, you idiot!" I said, my voice rising, "It was writing something on the engine! There is something on the wing and we need to land...now!!"
She leaned down close to me. "If you don't stop shouting, I'll have to call security and we don't want that to happen, do we?" she said.
I was speechless for once. Closing the window door, she continued.
"Now, I'll bring you a nice, warm lager and a happy pill and everything will be better. And we'll check the plane out when we land. Ok?"
I ignored her, staring straight at the back of the seat in front of me. As she turned to go, I could hear Orson Welles behind me whisper to her.
"Is there anything I can help with, miss? I'm a Forum Thread Detective and I can help if this thread gets out of control." he said.
"No, no, the passenger in front of you thought he saw something on the wing. But its ok now." she replied.
I smiled. Like Butterball could quickly get out of that seat without the aid of a whole jar of vaseline. I had no threat from him. But out the window was another matter. Did I really see something? Do I need glasses? Did I pay my electric bill last month? These thoughts ran through my head as I reached for the window door. Gripping the handle with my sweaty hand I yanked the door up and looked out the window.
Attachments
Catch22
Major
What could it be?
A4K
Brigadier General
"Indeed...What COULD it be ?? An M&M on steroids ?? A teenage mutant ninja turtle ?? A4k at four in the morning ?? (Oh, God, no..anything but that...!!!)...
What will become of our hero ? Has he come face to face with death, or just the contents of the in-flight snack in it's natural state ?
Who knows ? Who cares ? (Anyone..?) Yes !!, we have one bidder on my left, one bidder on my right, two, TWO more on my left, four bidders up, ladies and gentlemen, do I hear a fifth? Yes! We have a fifth! Original 'Get Lucky' novel in mint condition, not to be passed up...going at five bidders, going, going.. No! We have a sixth bidder, ladies and gentlemen, the man with the duck on his hat in the back row...okay, so a few people will be staying tuned to see the next thrilling installment of....
GEEEEEETTTTTT LLLUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKYYYYYYYYY !!!"
(Another fine product from Bastards Incorporated (Registered trademark) Batteries not included. Barbie's dildo and Ken's viagra tablets sold seperately)
What will become of our hero ? Has he come face to face with death, or just the contents of the in-flight snack in it's natural state ?
Who knows ? Who cares ? (Anyone..?) Yes !!, we have one bidder on my left, one bidder on my right, two, TWO more on my left, four bidders up, ladies and gentlemen, do I hear a fifth? Yes! We have a fifth! Original 'Get Lucky' novel in mint condition, not to be passed up...going at five bidders, going, going.. No! We have a sixth bidder, ladies and gentlemen, the man with the duck on his hat in the back row...okay, so a few people will be staying tuned to see the next thrilling installment of....
GEEEEEETTTTTT LLLUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKYYYYYYYYY !!!"
(Another fine product from Bastards Incorporated (Registered trademark) Batteries not included. Barbie's dildo and Ken's viagra tablets sold seperately)
Friggin' great stuff....
ccheese
Member In Perpetuity
Musta been something he ate......
Charles
Charles
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Or smoked.....or drank.
Thorlifter
Captain
Great stuff Njaco.- Thread starter
- #178
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
- Thread starter
- #179
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
Hi, I'm Brighton Early and I'm interupting our programing to remind you about our pledge drive here at BBC 61. As we approach the 50th anniversary of our first broadcast (April 24, 1959), we're most excited about the next fifty years, and especially about the next five. That's why I'm asking you to support BBC 61's 50th Anniversary Fundraising Marathon with a tax deductible contribution. A lot hangs in the balance for us this year, including two incredible opportunities which I hope you'll help us fulfill.
First, the FCC, in its divine wisdom has granted BBC 61 permission to build a booster FM antenna on the Hubble telescope. This could finally give BBC 61 the coverage that our broadcast license has long promised but which local geography and the ozone layer have always denied us. But the booster will cost us over $100,000, and this tantalizing possibility comes at a time when our finances are falling short of covering our present operations. That and Casey in Marketing just got a raise.
Our second project for 2008 concerns the growing problem of speedos and bikinis worn by citizens who exceed the Maximum Gross Weight Limit of our beaches. Fat rolls and vagumaches are eye pollution that needs to be elimnated from our shores. To address this issue, we're spending more time sending employees out to the dunes with embroidered bed sheets to cover up these unsightly sand whales and restore order to the summer shore-going experience. But those bed sheets cost money and so do the legal fees. Please help us help you!
And to help you with the pledge drive, we are offering "listener premiums" that are available for a nominal donation. Through on-air fundraising drives, which also takes place from March to February, individuals and families all over Luxenbourg become members of their local BBC 61 stations, constituting our single largest source of revenue.
Our first listener premium comes with a pledge of 60 euros. This donation will get you the second season of the "Get Lucky" show on Beta and a copy of the comic book, "Get Lucky: Volume Two" on which the popular BBC 61 series is based. Although the 2d season hasn't even been filmed, we're hoping most people won't notice.
For a pledge of 3 puppies and your sister, we will send you an autographed copy of the record album that rose to the top of the Billboard 100 in 1962, "Lucky Rhumba"! But thats not all. We're saving the best for last!
For a donation of 100,000 euros we will send, in a limo stocked with a defibralator, Trish and Diane from the office pool! What better way to show your appreciation for BBC 61 than spending 20 minutes with these two!
Don't forget--donations made to BBC 61 are not only tax deductible, but any time spent listening to BBC 61 is redeemable at the end of your life, and that's an offer that's good worldwide.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First, the FCC, in its divine wisdom has granted BBC 61 permission to build a booster FM antenna on the Hubble telescope. This could finally give BBC 61 the coverage that our broadcast license has long promised but which local geography and the ozone layer have always denied us. But the booster will cost us over $100,000, and this tantalizing possibility comes at a time when our finances are falling short of covering our present operations. That and Casey in Marketing just got a raise.
Our second project for 2008 concerns the growing problem of speedos and bikinis worn by citizens who exceed the Maximum Gross Weight Limit of our beaches. Fat rolls and vagumaches are eye pollution that needs to be elimnated from our shores. To address this issue, we're spending more time sending employees out to the dunes with embroidered bed sheets to cover up these unsightly sand whales and restore order to the summer shore-going experience. But those bed sheets cost money and so do the legal fees. Please help us help you!
And to help you with the pledge drive, we are offering "listener premiums" that are available for a nominal donation. Through on-air fundraising drives, which also takes place from March to February, individuals and families all over Luxenbourg become members of their local BBC 61 stations, constituting our single largest source of revenue.
Our first listener premium comes with a pledge of 60 euros. This donation will get you the second season of the "Get Lucky" show on Beta and a copy of the comic book, "Get Lucky: Volume Two" on which the popular BBC 61 series is based. Although the 2d season hasn't even been filmed, we're hoping most people won't notice.
For a pledge of 3 puppies and your sister, we will send you an autographed copy of the record album that rose to the top of the Billboard 100 in 1962, "Lucky Rhumba"! But thats not all. We're saving the best for last!
For a donation of 100,000 euros we will send, in a limo stocked with a defibralator, Trish and Diane from the office pool! What better way to show your appreciation for BBC 61 than spending 20 minutes with these two!
Don't forget--donations made to BBC 61 are not only tax deductible, but any time spent listening to BBC 61 is redeemable at the end of your life, and that's an offer that's good worldwide.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Attachments
ccheese
Member In Perpetuity
Now I ask you...... where can you get this kind of entertainment for free ???
Keep it going, Chris, you're onna roll......
Charles
Keep it going, Chris, you're onna roll......
Charles
